Crash and Burn

Chapter 20

RECAP: Lil shit Kyle still doesn't remember Abby, even if he won't admit it to her after she brings up Hailey, Kyle's previous crush who died a few years back. Lil shit Chad kissed some chick so Abbys ignoring him, even though he keeps trying to fix it. After Abby gets home after talking to Kyle, A PERSON WHO CALLS HER ABIGAIL IS IN HER ROOM. *HINTING INTENSIFIES*

November 10, 2010.

Month two of freshman year. I was still a naive little 14 year-old, who hadn't even experienced the real dangers of being a high school girl. I don't mean anything stupid, like smoking pot, or drinking beer, or dumb boys who shove pretty words down your throat and rip them right out, leaving a hole where your heart should be.

I mean, the good stuff, and the not-so-good stuff. Like when you have sex with a hot guy, and it's completely mind-blowing(not that I would know. Virgin, remember?). Or when your adopted brother with cancer dies two days after your dad commits suicide.

On November 14, 2010, my father took his own life in the upstairs half-bathroom, two doors down from my bedroom. There were so, so many empty bottles. How does someone swallow so many pills?

I didn't cry. Charlie stayed in the hospital to finish his chemo.

November 16, 2010, the day Charlie responds very, very bad to the chemo he finished two days before, and dies in front of my eyes.

My mother took it horribly. After she had me, she decided to adopt after she fell in love with one of her foster kids.

Charlie had leukemia, and they said he might make it.

Might.

He didn't.

*****

"Abigail," he said, and the panic stopped. It just stopped. Like when you jump in the deep end of the pool, and it's much, much deeper than you anticipated. Your feet barely scrape the bottom, and you're kicking and trying to swim to the top, trying to get air. You flail your arms, and keep your lips sealed shut to keep the water out, and finally, your fingers drift against the surface, and you break through into real air and think thank god I didn't drown I am just much too young for that I have a life to live. And the panic leaves, and the air enters your lungs again.

Chad was my air.

"Abigail," he said again, a bit softer than before. I breathed in and out, trying to keep my breaths steady and even. He took a step forward as I shut the door, my eyes never leaving him.

"I can't-" I started, my voice panicky and raspy.

"Don't," he stopped me. "Just listen."

I felt my head nod, and my eyes moved back to the ground.

"Abigail. Look at me, please," he paused, and my eyes stayed glued to the plush white carpet of my bedroom. "I need you to look at me when I say this."

When he said that, my eyes slowly trailed to his, following up to his feet, along his legs, the length of his torso, and finally, my sight settled for a spot on his nose. I couldn't look into his eyes.

"Abigail Hummers, I need you to know this," he paused and took a deep breath. "Abigail, I love you."

The way he said it-rushed, desperate, hopeful, perfect, made me weak at the knees. But I couldn't do it. I kept my face emotionless as he waited for some kind of reaction, or response, or something.

"Abigail, please, say something," he begged.

"I can't love you, Chad," I said simply, and squeezed my eyes shut to block out the darkness of the room.