Secrets from a Church Basement: The Desperate Diary of Fresco Ayers

Innocent Sinners Have More Fun

Innocent Sinners Have More Fun

I asked politely, but the detective did not put lips to my amazing tuckus. His loss.

He did, however, find the balls to arrest me. But he had to call for a squad car in order to take me "downtown." Either his own vehicle was stolen or he rode in on his bologna pony. 

So I got thrown in the slammer. Since I was offered the customary phone call, I nearly dialed up Jo. Instead, I listened to my better judgment. She probably would have written me off for good, which is not something I can bear.

I have to say, I really dislike prison. One day was quite enough. It wasn't the junkies and numbskulled robbers that bothered me. It was all the damn hookers telling me how fine I looked.

They whispered in my ear, offering to do some nasty stuff to me when we got out. After getting it on with a blood drifter, however, I don't have any attraction to human women, especially not of such trashy variety.

As it turned out, Studefrummtice didn't come up with enough evidence to hold me beyond 24 hours.

(Pay attention you tally whacker snout: I'm not guilty! But if you want to keep believing that Adam and I are partners in arson and scaring away the Sunday sheep, then so be it. I've got nothing to lose, and I'm having a grand, jovial time. So keep taking my involvement on blind faith. You're really good at it.)

Adam is still being held at the psychiatric palace while he waits for his big day in court. He isn't allowed visitors.

And there haven't been any church services performed here since the fire and fun. The priest is still away. Amazingly, I've been left alone to tend to the cathedral.

Whatever Mr. Limpy Bratwurst Nose thinks of me, the Vatican doesn't seem to share his opinion. For a reason I don't yet understand, it's pretty clear that they want me out of jail and in this church. They could have locked me out by now. I could torch this place if I wanted to. And, believe me, I've thought about it.

I love the high I'm on. The shadows have been good to me. In fact, they woke me up the other night with the sound of some kind of tribal rhythm. I grabbed the cheap digital recorder I found in the priest's office and tried to find the best place in the church to capture it (about three rows back from the altar). I'm sorry about the quality, but until Adam is freed, it's probably the best I can do.

But I do have one big problem. I'm nearly out of food. I'll probably have to go upstairs and ask Frank (that's what I call the Jesus statue near the entrance) to conjure me up some loaves and fishes.

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Follow the external link to hear Fresco's recording.

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