Let Me Love You || BTS Taehyung

1

he grabs my wrist to keep me from leaving.

"what are you..."

"Sunny." he makes me look at him. his expression is one I can only see as hurt and confused. it was something I didn't want to see... "why have you been avoiding me?"

I try to play it dumb. my eyes follow the sidewalk. "I, I don't know what you mean."

"of course you do." his voice sounded exasperated and tired. he whined while speaking. "you never acknowledge me anywhere whenever I see you. your hands are always tucked in your coat and it's like I'm invisible to you now."

I don't say anything, but keep looking to my shoes.

he frowns, "do I mean anything to you anymore? do you not like me?"

I couldn't speak.

why can't he make it easy for me and just leave me alone...

I open my mouth to speak but hesitate before deciding against it. "I have a thing to get to."

I walk, but he doesn't budge and pulls me back to his side.

"can't you look at me?" he seems even more hurt. "I can take the silence right now, but I just... I need you to look at me."

tears have welled up in my eyes. I have to keep my head down from letting him see. I try to laugh quietly but it shows the inevitable crack in my voice. "how could I?" I rub the sleeve of my sweater under my nose.

his hand hasn't let me go.

"sunny..." he tries to lift my chin but I turn my head away, leaving his knuckles to graze my ear.

i knew he must have felt so helpless now, seeing someone he spent so much time with just... ignore him. I knew that the person he confided in about everything: his grandmother, his insecurities, his friends and distresses... me, just ignoring him now as if none of it happened.

I knew everything I was doing must be killing him right now, but this can't happen between us...

my fingers shake against his wrist just thinking about it. my hand covers my face. weak words leave my lips. "it can't..."

tae drops ...

his head against my own. his hands hold onto me. I can't see how he looks but I can feel how his face burns against my own.

"Sunny.." his fingers curl some more around my skin. "Sunny."

I feel tears more. they escape down my cheek.

this couldn't happen. it couldn't. he has someone who loves him already... she can provide him everything I can't. she can give him the world... I can't. this can't go on, even if it hurts us.

"taehyung." my throat felt so tight and swelled. my chest ached and I felt like I'd collapse to the ground any second. this was my last time with him. it has to be. I let my emotions that I've been holding in the last week come out. I couldn't help but cry aloud to him with him so close to me. my fist hits my chest over and over. "I feel like I'm suffocating."

his words slip. "jagiya." and his arms tighten around me. he was shaking, I hadn't realized until now. he held me a way I've only dreamed of. feeling what could have been only makes me break down more.

I wanted to stay in his arms forever but I cant. I can't. I can't. I can't.

he needs to accept this as much as I need to. all of these ways and excuses of continuing this on needs to stop. imagine being his wife now, how she must feel.

how broken... at home now, waiting for him.

taehyung whispers so quietly that I could hear the tears in his eyes falling down to me. "let me love you."

it hurts. It felt like apart of me is breaking and breaking by the second when I hear his voice or look up at him.

my hands fist in his coat. "it hurts to love you."

and I push away.

that was the hardest thing in my life to do. the one thing I was certain of since I was young enough to understand it... the very thing that kept me alive... knowing it'll happen one day...

I had to let it go.

..and now I need to let him go.

My name is Jung Min Sun, and I'm about to tell you how did this all started, how I stayed in silence about my own feelings for more that 16 years, and by doing that how I needed to get to of the person I fell in love with.