Lukas lay on his back, his eyes fixed on the roof of the tent. He knew he needed to sleep but he just wasn't tired. He knew he'd regret it in the morning but he just couldn't close his eyes.
These anxious thoughts were interrupted by a large dip in the mattress, an arm reaching around his waist and a hand curving its way around his thigh. The warm breath on his neck calmed him and for a moment, he almost forgot where he was.
"Nightmares again?" Lukas turned under the thin sheets to face Philip, his hand reaching up to move Philips hair away from his face.
"i just can't stop thinking about everyone back home." Philip frowned, "i know they're safe and probably worrying more about all of us but i can't help it."
Lukas smiled softly, lowering his hand away from Philips face and slithered his fingers between Philips. His hands were cold in comparison but neither of them seemed to care.
This was nothing new for the pair of them of course, with Philip sliding into Lukas' bed after everyone was asleep at night and waking up early to return to his own. They both knew if anyone here found out about the two of them, then war would be the least of their worries.
Philip moved in closer to Lukas, his head rested upon the crook of his neck. The tent was cold and damp but when they lay together at night it was as if they were back at home, lay on the couch in their apartment. Out here there is no such thing as home. All they have is each other and it's more than enough.
"Lukas..."
"What's wrong?" Lukas looked down at Philip, who's eyes were following something across the room.
"Someone's awake..." Philip whispered directly into Lukas' ear, trying his best to be as silent as possible.
Lukas reacted quickly, pushing Philips head beneath the sheets and closing his eyes in an attempt to look like he was asleep. One of the other soldiers must be going outside to use the bathroom or something. He stared, trying to figure out who it was.
He soon recognized the face of the young boy, a boy from his town, from his school. He knew his face but couldn't recall his name. The boy stood looking around he tent until his eyes lay upon Lukas.
"Hey Lukas... where's Philip?" he spoke, seeing that Lukas was obviously awake, "he's not in his bed."
"i guess he's gone to piss or something." Lukas looked around the tent, his fingers still intertwined with Philips beneath the sheets.
"ah yeah... you're probably right, sorry for waking you." he sat back down on the bed, staring at the wall of the tent for a moment before covering himself with his blanket once again.
This wasn't the first time they'd nearly been caught. One night, Philip had suffered with immense night terrors and had run to Lukas' bed, and had not gotten out of it before the bell rang. He'd hidden under the bed for around fifteen minutes until everyone had left.
If they were any other couple, they wouldn't have to do all this sneaking around in the dead of night. They wouldn't need to sneak off into the forest together before patrol for a kiss goodbye. This world really is fucked up.
"I wonder if Helen and Gabe are alright..." Philip mumbled, awakening Lukas from his daydream.
"Hey, they're all fine. Helen, Gabe and my dad are all fine."
Philip nodded gently, pressing his lips against Lukas' neck quickly before snuggling up against Lukas again.
Lukas didn't know that everyone back home was okay. He didn't know whether either of them would be okay. But what he did know was that he couldn't let Philip stress about these things. Phil doesn't do well under and sort of stress or worrying. He's already got enough to worry about with calming his night terrors.
He'd wake up in the middle of the night, screaming as if he was in excruciating pain. This scared the other men in their tent for a while but eventually they all grew used to Philips yelling. Everyone had learnt to ignore him. Everyone except Lukas, who would lay awake with him most nights, whispering soothing words into his ear.
"I love you," Lukas smiled, "so much."
Philip closed his eyes, his eyelashes brushing against Lukas' neck.
One day, the two of them will be home again lay in bed together on a cold night like this one in their little flat. One day, the two of them will be able to walk down the street holding hands. One day, they'll both be happy again.
