My Thoughts And Other Randomness

8/4/17

  This isn't the first time,that someone I really cared about talked of running away. Except.. With.. Let's just call her Sky. (Not you Cass,I love you.) Back to what I was saying right..? Yeah.
   Except with Sky,it was different. I planed to go with her. Had everything ready and set to go. I was ready and set to go. My heart was in her hands. Wherever she took it,I was bound to follow. She changed my life. She changed me. We went through a lot together,and in the end,it was destroyed. I was destroyed. Sky and I had made plans. Find a way to Japan. That's a long shot,your just kids. I know what your thinking,but when.. When everything in your body and heart tells you that you love them,that you would follow them to the ends of the Earth,you reach for long shots. Your willing to shoot. Back to the Japan thing. Sky wouldn't let me die. I wouldn't let her. I dunno what the hell made me agree that when we got to.. Suicide Forest,we'd go out. Together. I think back,and I feel a pain. No,we never ran away,anywhere. Instead,she left. It seemed so easy for her too. But it destroyed me. Changed me. For worse,or for better? That's what your asking now,isn't it? Truth is,it's been two years since that,and I still haven't figured that question out. When you trust,and love someone so much.. Your willing to die,and then it's all thrown away.. It probably changes you for the worse at first. Then it changes you for the better. Makes you think twice. About what you say,what you do.. Who you trust,who you love. Who you let in. I trusted her,I loved her,I let her in. That was thrown away. Which now,I'd thank her. I'd hug her,and thank her. She was the reason I woke up and realized,I have more to live for. Yes,she changed me. Yes,it's one of the reasons I'm so locked up.. But,do you blame me? Probably. I've chosen to be locked up,right? Yeah,true. But after you get hurt,from people,by people you trusted,loved.. It permanently leaves a scar.
     I can't make you stay,Chicken Fri. But I can make sure you know I care. A hell of a lot,actually. But,in the end,it's your choice. It's what you decide. You do. So.. I really do care. I really do hope you stay. I really do hope you pull through,and fight through a couple more years.. Because in the end,your one of the toughest people I've met. And,from one friend to another,I love you.