if i believe you | negan

chapter x.

Carson came back into the room and took my sling off before unwrapping the bandage to peer at the wound. I winced as he pulled off the bandage, the old layers gripping to my skin from the dried blood. He gave me a shot of morphine before looking at the wound any further.

"Well, it seems to be healing as well as any bullet wound can. You just have to be careful when you shower because that will sting quite a bit." Carson explained as he rewrapped it and put my arm back into the sling.

He handed me the roll of gauze, "Make sure you rewrap it every night before bed and every morning when you wake. How are you feeling?" He asked, in regards to being pregnant.

"I'm feeling fine, for now. I'm sure I'll throw up in a bit." I said, laughing and he chuckled.

"Come back in a few days to check up." He said, smiling at me as I followed Simon out.

We were walking in silence back to my room, when I became curious, "Simon, where's Negan?" I asked, rubbing my stomach as I said his name.

"No idea, y/n. Sorry." He said, looking back at me. I gave him a small grin and shook my head, looking down at the ground.

~

After speaking to Eugene, I retired to my room, feeling drained. I poured myself a scotch and thought of her. I regretted pushing her to the ground, but I knew I had to keep up my reputation as a leader. I wanted to go and apologize, but that would show a sign of weakness.

God, what the hell was I thinking? Apologizing? Something inside me has changed, ever since I brought her back. I couldn't care for her, yet I found myself thinking about her and the baby almost every day. I took a sip of my scotch and poured another drink.

Damnit, why wasn't I careful? I decided to call upon one of my wives, not wanting to think about y/n or acknowledge any feelings towards her.

~

I zipped my jeans as I opened the door for Shelly and smirked as she stalked past me. She turned around as she went out the door and kissed me before walking down the hall. I bit my lip as I went to close the door, but noticed y/n watching in the other hall.

Her eyes were glassy and she gripped her stomach before turning around and running down the hall. I cursed myself and ran down after her, catching her good arm and spinning her around.

Tears were staining her cheeks and she tried to pull her arm out of my grip. I pulled her into a hug, but she punched at my chest and kept trying to push herself away from me. I waited for her to tire out before I spoke.

"y/n-" I started, but her voice cracked through her tears as she spoke.

"No, don't. I thought," She said, then she laughed, tears still falling from her eyes. "I actually thought you cared. Even as I say it, it sounds unbelieveable. But you don't care. No, you'd rather screw all the women you can than actually care for one. And I thought, I actually thought that maybe having a baby would change your mind.

But it didn't. So Negan, if you want to screw all your wives, go ahead. I can raise this baby on my own. I don't need your help." She spat, shoving me away from her and running down the hall to her room.

My blood began to boil as I stormed back to my room, slamming the door and grabbing a bottle of tequila.

~

I ran to my room, tears staining my cheeks as I collapsed onto my bed and curling into a ball. As I cried, I found myself starting to drift off.

I awoke suddenly as I heard my door creak open and the footsteps were heavy as they stalked into my room. I heard the sound of liquid, assuming the person was drinking. I didn't move, but kept my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep.

The figure continued shuffling around and drinking before it spoke.

"How can I care for you," Negan. "I don't understand, but there's something about you that makes me weak. You make me feel."

By now, I knew he was drunk, he was tripping over his words as he tripped over his feet.

"I can't help but feel for you. I even tried to forget about you by fucking Shelly, but all I could think about was you. It was like she wasn't even there, my mind immediately thought about us in the woods." He explained, hiccuping and stumbling over to the window.

I wanted to believe what he was saying was true, but how could I? He was drunk. Though, people who were drunk often spilled how they truly felt. But he would never remember this, would he?

"And now, there's the baby. Our baby," He slurred, and instinctively, my hand went to my stomach. "I never really wanted kids, but now, god, now I'm so happy that I get to be a dad. It hurt so bad when you told me you'd raise it on your own, when you told me you didn't need me."

I didn't know how to react, so I continued to pretend I was sleeping. I heard his footsteps come closer to the bed and he set the bottle down on the bedside table. I felt him kiss my head and then cover me with another blanket before opening the door.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you." He said, leaving my room.

I didn't know how to feel about him now, I did know that I felt bad about telling him that I'd raise the baby on my own, but he hurt me. He slept with another woman, even after learning that I was pregnant.

I couldn't think about anymore of it, so I went back to sleep, wondering if Negan would even remember what he had said.