Today, oh today. Where shall I start? I woke up in my plastic wrap, as I usually do. All of my fellow tortillas were still sleeping soundly. Not a single snore or movement. Silence. Peacefulness. Relaxation. It's times like these I really do appreciate.
One thing I wish I could describe is the scenery. But oh, no, I can't do that. You see, I may be a talented and smart tortilla. I didn't go to school but Mama and Papa tortilla homeschooled me well! The tortilla package of a home didn't stop us! I learned and I learned! And, to this day, still know that one tortilla plus one tortilla equals two tortilla. Nothing will stop me. Math will forever me engrained into my little wheat brain.
But back to the scenery, we are in a package. I am the top tortilla so I should be able to see but there is a peanut butter jar on top of us. Who ever the fuck brought us home from the grocery store has also decided that we would be the perfect coaster for peanut butter. But let me tell you something Carol, we will thrive. We will live. We will thrive for a better life.
A life where peanut butter won't get put on top of us! Yes! That is what we want! We will stop at nothing to get that!
But then again, we is tortillas. We have no say in your godamned life, Carol. You know, maybe if you stopped intervening in other people's marriages then maybe you'll have time to eat something for once.
Maybe. A delicious. Tasty. Dry... TORTILLA.
Just not me though. Okay? I'm still trying to understand all of this unnecessary gossip.
-Tasty Tortilla
