Trying to feel Forever Young (Alex Gaskarth fanfiction)

Prologue - Stuck in this fucking rut

"Dad?" I called out as I knocked the door to his office, my black fingernails sticking out to the light wooden door.

"Come in", I heard his voice from the other side of the door.

I took a deep breath, and opened the door.

I stepped into the office, the light from the lamp on his desk slightly blinding me, causing me to squint.

"What did you have to say?" he asks. A normal dad would've asked how I was, or at least add a 'darling' or 'honey' or even 'love' to the end of the sentence, but my dad had never done that. He was a man of going straight to the point. He loved me lots, though. It was just how he was.

"Well, I'm turning 20 in a week-"

"Yes, yes, I know that. I haven't forgotten", he cuts me off. He forgot once, my tenth birthday, he was busy with work. I understand, though.

"That's not what I was hinting at, dad. I just- Well I guess-" I tried forming the sentence without sounding too harsh.

"Spit it out already! You know I don't like your blabbering" My dad cut me off, again. Can't blame him though, I knew it was annoying.

"All of my friends have moved out of their houses to all parts of the country, even overseas, and I was wondering if I could too. I've found this lovely apartment in downtown LA, not even an hour drive from here.."

"NO!" my dad roared, standing up. I involuntarily took a step back, making him realize his actions, and sit back in his chair.

"No. It won't happen. I will not allow you to leave me here, like your mum did. You aren't moving out, and that's final! And now out, i have got to work." He said, calmer than before, and then shooing me out, looking sad.

I should've known, I thought to myself as I closed the door behind me. Ever since my mum left, he's always asked me "But you'll stay here forever, won't you", when he talked about her. I'd always nod, eleven year old me not fully understanding the meaning of the word 'forever'.

I called my best friend, Caity, as I'd promised her to tell her how it went. I told her everything, so why wouldn't tell her about this? I mean, yeah, she didn't tell me everything, but I'm sure she has her reasons, right?

"Caity?" I asked when I heard someone pick up.

"Cheyanne? Did you talk to your dad? If you can get that apartment we'll be so close to each other! We can like go out on the weekends and everything! Oh, I'm so exited!" 

"Caity, Caity" I shushed her, silently asking her to calm down so I could tell her the bad news.

"Yeah?" she squeled, trying, and failing, to contain her excitement.

"I'm not allowed. He told me not to leave like my mum did" I told her, my voice soft.

"What? You're just going to let him rule your life like this?" she sounded offended.

"Yeah, I mean, he broke down completely after mum left, it took him years to recover, in fact, he still hasn't recovered. I can't do that to him."

"Cheyanne?" Caity asked.

"Yeah?"

"You gotta choose. Me or him" she said, sounding sad.

"Wh- What? Caity, you know I can't. I love him, and you! I can't leave him here! You can't ask me to choose" I said, my voice panicked.

"Your choice was made, then" she replied.

Click.

That was the sound of her leaving me.

"No, no, no"

That was the sound of me breaking down after she left me. I dropped the phone, and fell to the ground. I sobbed.

"No, you can't leave me. Not you too".

I gasped for air, as if someone had stabbed me, when I thought of my mum.

I stood up, tears blinding my view a lot, but I could make an outline of myself in the mirror.

Purple and black hair, the thick black rimmed glasses, the mascara streaks coming from my eyes. The All Time Low shirt, and skinny jeans.

And you know what I also saw?

A pencil sharpener. In the corner of my eye, glinstering, like it was asking me to use it.

I'd read about self-harm before, and I'd had my sad episodes, sure, but I have never felt a tempted to try as now. 

I thought I deserved it.

A little escape from everything, like everyone described it, seemed like something I'd kill for right now.

Just once, just once, because I deserved it right now.

I took it apart quickly using my teeth (A/N don't open pencil sharpeners with your teeth, a bit of my tooth has broken of using this method and it HURT) and looked at the little blade.

Funny how such a little thing can do so much damage, I though to myself as I ran it over my perfect, scarless arm.

-----------------------------------

Very funny, I thought to myself as I let the blade glide over my not-so-perfect arm, full of scars made in the period between now and that dreadful day, six years ago.

In two weeks, I'll turn 26.

In week, it has been 7 years ago I lost my best friend.

I still live with my dad. He won't allow me to leave.

In a week, All Time Low is coming to our town.

I've got tickets, but dad said I can't go.

But I'm sick of being stuck in this fucking rut of waking up, making me and my dad breakfast, being yelled at for not leaving him to work, trying to get a job, filling out applications and going to places, making dinner, and being yelled at again for not leaving dad work, and going to bed after checking twitter, tumblr, all those places.

So guess who's fucking going to see All Time Low?

Yay, new story, just for @CheyanneGaskarth1987 ! She asked me to write a story about her and Alex, so here we go!

No, Adopted By... is not over yet, schools just a bitch.

XOIsmay