Tempted (#Wattys2015)

Tempted:62:

We'd talked a little bit this week, and I went with her to that basketball game, but honestly my mind was racing so much that I didn't pay much attention to it.

I knew she could tell, and I probably let her down that day too.

God, I never thought that all of my choices could have led up to this. I wish I could take it all away, I wish I could start over with her and do everything right.

I was so happy after I heard her say she trusted me again, but after thinking about it, I didn't deserve it.

I felt like I had barely earned it back, especially now with taking her away from her family. I couldn't believe both of us were starting over, let alone doing it together.

I was going to fix everything. I'd make her so happy. I wanted her to love it there, I wanted her to feel safe, and I really would protect her.

I missed her, but I had been trying to get everything together, to get everything in place for her.

I didn't want her to think of this as us leaving everything behind, I wanted her to think of it as us doing what we always said we would do, that we were going to have a safe place to live with our kids - that I could make her happy.

I wonder if she liked sailing, we could do that, or camping...there's so many things we could do.

And I was going to do everything I could with her...we left tomorrow.

__________________

*Bella*

"Bye." I hugged my Dad, pecking his cheek swiftly.

"Bye. Call me when you get there, and have fun on the way."

"I'm sure we will." I laughed, then looked at Josh, throwing myself in his arms. "I love you Josh."

"I love you too Bells. Send me pictures."

"I will." I laughed at him, kissing his cheek too before I pulled back.

I had already said goodbye to Justin's family, and my heart broke when Jazzy started crying, clutching onto Justin while asking him not to leave.

I felt so guilty.

He promised her she'd be up soon, and that he'd see her...He was leaving his family after all of this.

"I'm going to wait in the car. Benny's waiting, so I'll just tell him we're getting ready to leave." I said, giving a final wave.

"Bella, wait!" Jazzy ran up to me, hugging my legs before I could go any further. "Don't go."

"I'm sorry." I frowned, squatting down to her level and hugged her tightly. "We're going to see you very soon. I promise."

"I love you Bella."

"Aw, I love you too." I kissed her forehead, hugging her again. "Now no more crying ok? You don't want your big brother to be sad, do you? And I know he doesn't want to see you sad."

"I know." She nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands.

"You're gonna come over soon and we'll go out to the beach, how does that sound?"

"Good."

"Good." I laughed, pecking her nose and gave her another hug.

"We should get going." Justin said, softly smiling down at both of us.

"Ok." I nodded, standing up and crossed my arms over my chest.

I looked back again, trying to smile at our families one last time before Justin opened up the passenger side and helped me in.