recovery | bellarke

one | may we meet again

CLARKE:

"I think we deserve a drink."

I keep my gaze at camp as Bellamy stands next to me. "Have one for me," I reply.

"Hey, we can get through this."

His voice is comforting, as always, but I've made my decision.

I bite my lip and look to the ground for a moment, dreading telling him. "I'm not going in." I keep facing forward. It'll hurt too much if I see his face.

He turns to me anyway. "Clarke, if you need forgiveness... I'll give that to you." My heart breaks even more as I look at him, if it was possible. "You're forgiven."

I tear my eyes away.

"Please come inside." His voice is low and gentle.

"Take care of them for me." Tears are welling up in my eyes.

"Clarke."

"Seeing their faces everyday, it's just going to remind me of what I did to get them here."

"What we did. You don't have to do this alone."

My whole body aches, hearing those words. I glance back at camp, at everyone. My mom, Kane, Raven, Jasper... I may have saved them, but I killed so many other people.

"I bear it, so they don't have to."

His face falls. "Where are you gonna go?"

"I don't know."

It looks like it's taking everything in him not to cry. I step forward and kiss his cheek, trying to pretend I'm not really leaving. I pull him in for a hug. I want to stay here forever, but I can't.

"May we meet again," I say, before forcing myself away from him.

We share a moment of eye contact, but I can't bring myself to look at him for too long. It just hurts too much. With every part of myself in conflict with one another, I walk away from him. I walk away from camp, from my friends, my family.

My heart is racing. Everything in me feels wrong. Am I doing the right thing? What if-

"Clarke!"

I spin around. Bellamy is running at me. My heart drops in my chest then flutters up again. Bellamy.

"I can't let you go." That same desperate look is still looming in his dark eyes. "We need you. I need you. And you need to be home, with people who care about you."

"This doesn't feel like home," I admit, my voice caught in my throat.

His fingertips lightly touch my cheek. "We'll make it home. Together."

I bite back a sob as I nod. I squeeze my eyes shut, pinching the tears out. I feel him take the back of my head and guide it to his chest. I'm shaking now, hardly able to keep my feelings from spilling out. I press myself into his body and let his arms keep me safe.

"We can do this," he tells me, the warmth of his skin radiating through me.

I think I believe him.

We stay there for a minute, frozen. It's like the world has stopped, and for once, I don't have to think, I can just be. I've never had that feeling before.

Bellamy finds my hand that had been resting on his shoulder, and interwines it with his, letting me go. I look up at his eyes; they're wet and rimmed with red splotches and I hate to see him like that. I imagine my face doesn't look any better.

Without another word, we walk back to camp, hand in hand. Maybe we can do this.

new story! i haven't written in so long and i'm super excited to develop this idea i've had for awhile. if you haven't, go check out my completed stories, "complicated," "everyday," and "real." obviously, the beginning part of this chapter is not mine, and was created by the 100 writers. i can't wait to write this! summer's coming up so hopefully i'll have time to update regularly, but for now, the updating might be inconsistent. vote/ comment if you liked this! love yall <3