I lie on my back with my eyes shut with one of your old t-shirts in my hands close to my nose so I can still smell the faint scent you left behind, while the other hand plays with the locket you got me for Christmas. It's almost been a year you've been missing and it seems as if everyone has moved on but me. Dad went back to teaching at Cornell University first as soon as fall hit, Mom worried about us for a while, but Jamila confirmed that she'd watch over me and that she was fine so back to the hospital she went. Jamila went back to sitting in the garden writing music. I tried to work on writing and getting a job, but I couldn't do anything. All I could do think about was you.
How could you just disappear forever without even a trace, you seemed perfectly fine. Just the night before you had FaceTimed me and we had talked for hours about how happy you were studying at Princeton, and how you and your girlfriend were going to come visit us right after meeting her family in Texas. We ended the call around 1 a.m. The house phone that sat on the kitchen counter downstairs rang exactly at 4:27 a.m. I looked at my phone to check the time before rolling back over to sleep, leaving the phone to ring. I should've answered.
I awoke before the whole family as usual drudging down the stairs. Something about the red light flickering on the phones base kept bothering me so I clicked to listen to the voice mail. The room was filled with your voice.
" Hel- Hello I guess it's better that you didn't answer so I can tell you what I need to without being interrupted" you said with a small laugh and a long sigh before continuing " I'm sorry but this is for the best, don't come looking me. I love you, all of you and want you to know I'm okay but I have to do this... goodbye"
Not quite grasping what you meant I called you twice from the house phone and what seemed to be like a thousand from mine.
You never answered and I haven't seen you since New Years and it seems as if an eternity has passed. I've never fit in with the family, you were the only one who understood me. Now I feel lost, alone, and sick knowing the only cure is you, but you're lost to and seems like you don't want to be found.
Mother cried for the entire week, Jamila thought it was a joke at first but silently cried later that evening, and our father cursed at you through the phone with hurt in eyes saying the game you're playing isn't funny. After a month passed they all gave up and claimed you had to be dead, but I can't give up you're the only hope that I had.
Something happened you wouldn't just leave me. I'm still at lost and trying to figure out exactly what but I'm trying to put it together for you because I know you're out there...
At least that's what I told myself to make it through the night.
