How To Hide A Body

The Job Interview

I clenched the tight skirt I was wearing. I hadn't been to a job interview in ages. Here I was, sitting in an incredibly uncomfortable dress, being asked questions by the head of management of the Louvre museum, Paris, France.

"You seem overqualified, Mademoiselle Catherine. You have a PhD in Science, yet you came here for a cleaning job? Doesn't make any sense to me, but we require staff."

"Merci, Monsieur," I said, accidentally imitating the man's incredibly thick French accent.

One of my many flaws. When I meet someone with a thick accent, I immediately try to emulate it. And French, I could not do at all. Little did I know, this offended people. I was fluent in French, German, and a few other languages, but accents weren't my strong point. This is not a positive character trait when coming up with aliases. 

"Are you trying to make fun of me, Mademoiselle Catherine?" He asked, a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

"Un tout petit peu..." I joked, instantly regretting it. I clenched my teeth and turned away. 

"Mademoiselle, if you are going to make fun of the staff's accents while you're employed, I don't think I can hire you, and risk staff, even guests, being offended by your ignorance!" He said, annoyed. 

His moustache moved angrily, in an intimidating fashion. But, with my reputation, I could not get intimidated by a moustache, of all things. Time for plan B. I knew I wasn't polite enough for this job.I pulled out my gun from under my skirt and lazily twirled it around one of my fingers.

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" I asked, playfully watching the gun twirl around my fingers, "I wish it didn't have to be this way, honestly, if you had just been a bit patient, none of this would have happened." 

"Is that a real gun?" gulped the Frenchman.

"Je ne sais pas, monsieur. Qu'est ce que vous en pensez? Real or not real?" I asked, toying with the gun.

I blew into the neck, then placed it on the table, as if we were about to play a game of Russian roulette (I had played at least 6.5 sets of Russian roulette, and naturally, won. Of course I cheated, I mean, luck was never on my side).

"I knew you were overqualified." muttered the director. I could almost hear his heart beating. He was terrified. I watched his fingers from the corner of my eye glide surreptitiously to the panic button.

"No, no, no, no, naughty, naughty!" I said, pointing the gun at his hand, index fingers on the trigger. He inhaled sharply, and pulled his hand back to the middle of the desk, interlacing his right hand with his left.

"Give me the job, and your little daughter- Jenna, was it?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and my view from the table to his eyes, watching them dance with fear.

"Jenny," he muttered.

"Jenny will remain unharmed." 

"Why are you doing this?"

"What can I say? I need a job; I need the money, I told my mom I'll get a job, I like museums, etcetera, etcetera. But if I said that, I would be lying," I counted on my fingers, listing a bunch of nonsense excuses, "those are the most common reasons you probably hear every time you hire someone. But, sir, I am a raging psychopath, and you don't want to get on my bad side. For I am what one considers, a villain. And this is just another little fairy tale, where there is good, and there is evil. You're the good," I pointed the gun at him," .and I'm the evil," I pointed the gun at myself, "And evil is always one step ahead."

"But, evil always loses," he said, an amusing look on his face laced with uncertainty and panic.

I got off my chair and leant forward; my lips brushed against his ear as I whispered, "That's because they let you." 

Slowly I put the gun away. Then, sitting down and acting as if nothing had happened, I asked with complete innocence, "So, did I get the job?"

"Ouais, mademoiselle" He stuttered. He placed his finger on the intercom. Instinct made me reach for the gun again, but he said, "Miss Catherine Winter got the job."

I breathed, happy I wouldn't be a murderer today. Well, it was only 1:35, and I got really bad mood swings on Mondays.