Red Ribbons (Forgotten Series #1)

Chapter Eighteen: Part Two

"Angela!" Seamus' voice was booming with anger and I hesitated in closing the door, wanting to hear their little fight. It was distracting and at the moment I needed something distracting.

"What, Seamus? I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life. I get sick and tired of your face sometimes okay! If I want to look, I'll take a peek now and then."

"Oh hell no, Angie." There was an edge of a snarl to his voice but there was no fear from his mate. I almost smiled at her attitude towards her mate. Despite her words there was a deep edge of affection for him. It was clear that she poked and prodded at him but she loved his deeply and truly.

"You look at other females." She said it like it was simple.

"What other female? There are like four females in this house and I'm mated to one of them! I only have eyes for you and I expect the same in return."

"Oh, did I hurt the poor baby's feelings? No worries, honey, you're all the male I can handle."

"Your condescending attitude is not helping. Time to show you just how much of a male I can be." His voice was low and growling and I could hear Angie squeak before she giggled. Seamuss heavy footsteps walked away and I pulled on the clothes as I opened the door wider and stepped out. I could faintly head Angie's laughter from somewhere in the house and I couldn't help it as my mouth twitched. She had gotten what she was wanted from her little display.

I ran my hand through my hair and looked towards the infirmary. True to his words, Davin was still standing where I had left him. I took my position back up and he shook his head. "You took like ten minutes. Your food isn't even ready." He stared at me and I grunted. A scowl deeply embedded on my face. My wolf was crawling up the walls of my mind, needing to see Maricella. "So talkative. I don't blame you. I want you to eat something before you go in there." Despite myself I was hungry and I just nodded, looking at my bare feet. I heaved out a sigh and rubbed at my temples."Shits tough, bro." Davin shoved his hands in his pockets and I nodded as I continued to rub my temples. Everything was fucking difficult but I would endure anything for Maricella.

We stood in silence for a few moments before Collin walked down the hall. "I didn't make anything fucking fancy." He scowled, his face was pale and he looked like he hadn't slept either. In fact nearly everyone looked like that. The situation must have been hard on the entire pack. He held out a bowl of mac and cheese and I took it with a small nod. I slowly ate, despite how my stomach seemed to want to rebel against the food. I forced myself to finish what was in the bowl before Davin nodded and jerked his head towards the door.

I held out the bowl towards Collin who grunted in annoyance but took it anyway. I pushed open the infirmary door. Amber was writing on a clipboard, all evidence of her meltdown gone as she slipped into her role as pack doctor. "No change in her but she is stable physically. However the fact she has been stuck in there for more than twelve hours isn't good, nor is it healthy. But the fact her mental stability has always been a little shaky, the emotional traumas she suffered means this is an expected reaction to it." Her voice was calm and even but I could almost hear it tremble. "There is little we can do but wait it out and hope for the best." I could hear her reluctance at the words and it matched the one in me. I couldn't wait it out. I didn't know if waiting it out would do anything for my mate. I moved towards the bed and once more wrapped her in my arms, setting her on my lap.

"Your touch and voice should help her find something to fight towards. That's all I can recommend as a doctor but as a mother. If drastic measures need to be taken, take them to bring her back." She lifted the slim box and I winced at the look of it before she set it on the cot beside me. I stared at it as she moved away. I shook my head slightly before looking at Maricella. She looked the same, her condition had not improved or changed in my short absence. I pressed my face into her hair and simply held her.

I had never felt more useless in my life. My mate was stuck in some hellish purgatory of her mind's creation and I had no ability to help her out of it. I rocked her back and forth, pressing my lips to her temple. I wished withal of my heart that she would snap out of the stupor she was in. That she would embrace me back.

Hours past and there were no changes in her condition. The blankness remained as the night descended and the moon rose into the sky. People came and went through the infirmary. I was too focused on Maricella to pay attention to who they were. My nerved were frayed as the house fell silent as the others collapsed into their beds. Everything was eerily quiet and I couldn't stand it. I looked at Maricella, taking in the ethereal beauty of her face. She was perfect in my eyes, she was my entire world. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her but I knew I had no other options left. I was on the edge with everything and there was no choice left.

The harsh truth was I was completely lost without her. I didn't know how I had managed without her at Tacita. She was my due north on my internal compass, I would always need her but now she was gone and I was left confused and lost. I closed my eyes and pressed my face into her hair, breathing in her scent. I didn't want to go through life without her. I refused to do that to myself and her.

I looked at the thin box that hadn't moved from where Amber had set it. A bitter taste coated my tongue at the thought of what I was going to do and tears filled my eyes. I never wanted to take the choice from her. What I was going to do needed to be discussed first, to be agreed upon and I was taking that away from my sweet one. My Maricella. I would carry that guilt as a heavy burden for the rest of my life. It would eat away at me and I knew it would but I had to bring her back, my wolf and I could not take any more of it. I reached out and picked up the box before standing on shaking legs and slipping it into my back pocket. I picked Maricella up and held her to my chest tightly as I left the infirmary and took her outside.

The moon hung, a waxing crescent hanging in the sky, as if waiting for what I was about to do. Her cold beauty made the front lawn glow slightly and I walked towards the center of it before setting Maricella down and sitting across from her. I grasped her hands in mine and kissed her knuckles reverently. "Forgive me, Maricella. Forgive me for taking this choice from you." I whispered the words before I looked up to the silver crescent. "Forgive me, Mene. Forgive me for this." Tears flooded my eyes once more as I pulled the box from my pocket. A lump formed in my throat as I set it down. I couldn't even look at it as rolling disgust filled me.

I turned my focus to Maricella and cupped her face in my hands. "I love you with all that I am and all that I will be and I am so sorry." I kissed her cheeks and her chin. I kissed her nose and her forehead, trying to remember the feeling of her skin on my lips because I knew that she might not let me touch her for a long time after my actions. I opened the box and grasped the dirk in my hand before placing it on my left palm. The silver burned my skin as I sliced open a large gash across my palm, following the lifeline.

My heart beat frantically in my chest as I watched the blood pool rapidly. I turned away and gently grasped Maricella's left hand and cut her lifeline with a wince. There was no reaction from her as the blade cut her skin. I threw the dirk away, unable to touch it anymore before I turned to Maricella. "Come back to me, my sweet one." I lifted her hand and lined it up with mine. Tears fell from my eyes unrestrained. I didn't want to do it but I knew it was the only way that we could guarantee to have her back. "Come back to me." I pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before I pressed our hands together.