The Flames Of Our Hearts

Teaser

love

noun

1.

an intense feeling of deep affection.

"babies fill parents with intense feelings of love"

synonyms: deep affection, fondness, tenderness, attachment, endearment, intimacy, Warmth; More

2.

a person or thing that one loves.

"she was the love of his life"

synonyms: beloved, loved one, love of one's life, dear, dearest, dear one, darling, sweetheart, sweet, angel, honey; More

verb

1.

feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).

"do you love me?"

synonyms: care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, idolize, worship; More

***

Love is thrown around so casually these days. Its almost as if Love is really a word such as it or can, and not a deep emotion for someone or something.

But let me tell you something. Love isn't something to toy with. Love is serious. Devoted.

Love is Fire.

When you love someone, you love them for who they are. You love them for their weird quirks: like eating a banana with Jelly instead of Peanut Butter. And you love them for their odd normalities: waking up and drinking a cup of coffee before taking a jog.

But most use love as an advantage. To get in your pants, or to play a dumb joke- to fulfill a dare, even.

But some like to toy with your feelings, watch you fall in love with them and then break your heart. To watch you bleed while you rot away in despair and sadness. In heartbreak and disbelief.

It happened to me once. And trust me when I say that of was the worst feeing I've ever felt.

You're talking to someone who used to kill for money. Who used to watch the life slowly seep out of peoples eyes as their life ended right before my eyes.

You're talking to someone who used to kill people to save this country. Who used to shoot, stab, and torture men and women from the opposing team for answers as to why they were attacking us.

So, pretty much, it hurt like hell.

Now, I'm no saint - far from it, in fact - but I do know that I did not deserve the pain that ensued from falling in love with someone. From loving someone.

But maybe there's a reason behind it. In fact, I know there's a reason - an explainable one - behind the fact that the only people I ever loved died in my arms and right in front of me.

Unless this is all just some cruel, sick joke to get back at me for killing someone. Multiple someone's.

Either way, life moves on. Their bodies are gone. Their things are auctioned off, or given away - stated by the will - but they are still in your heart.

Forever and always.

And the love you felt for the people that died still stays there, forever weighing down your shoulders when you dare to take a look at an old memory of them. And although their bodies are buried 6 feet under, their energy, their soul, is left to haunt you and your desicions until the guilt finally eats you away, saving you from the pain.

The pain that comes with love.

That pain that comes with the word that's thrown around oh so casually is like fire in my soul, spreading over my whole body like wildfire until it reaches its destination.

My heart.

And then there's a whole new experience to go along with it.

{The Flames Of My Heart}

©2017 by Gretchen Nicolson