Chapter eighteen; gutted

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2 weeks later: Stella's POV:

"I think she's waking up" I hear a voice.

I open my eyes to bright blinding lights which makes my head pound. I quickly close them.

I try to talk but I find myself choking instead

"Take the intubation tube out she's fighting it" I hear another voice say.

I continue to choke and grab at my neck scratching at it roughly hoping it will help me breathe.

"What does that mean?" Another voice says. Not just any voice, Shawn's voice. He's here. Wherever I am he is here with me.

"She's breathing on her own again. You are gonna want to hold her hand while we take it out it's gonna be extremely uncomfortable"

Shawn grabs onto my hand. I use both of my hands to find his and once I do I hold onto him tightly.

I hear them count down from 3 and before I know it I'm throwing up.

"Is she okay, whats happening?" Shawn ask worriedly . He keeps one hand in mine and another hand on my back rubbing it.

I gasp for air and begin to cough

"That's normal honey don't worry it's just her reflexes . It means they did there job right" this time my mom is the one that's talking.

Someone helps me wipe my mouth. My eyes are still closed because the lights are too bright for me to open them.

"The lights" I choke "turn them off"

I cover my face with one hand but still grip onto Shawn's with another.

The lights turn off and I slowly open my eyes to see my family and Shawn. There are two doctors in the room with me as well.

"What happened , why am I here?" I look around. My mom my dad and Jackson all have tear stained cheeks.

"You got into an accident two weeks ago Stella, your brain was swelling so they had to put you in a medically induced coma to try and give your brain a rest so it wouldn't swell anymore" my mom explains and I nod trying to catch up with the information that is being handed to me.

I was in an accident.

"I remember a truck" an image of a red truck pops into my head. It's crushed.

"Yeah baby" my moms voice breaks. "I'm gonna let you and Shawn talk about some things okay?" My moms tears fall from her eyes.

All I do is nod because it's hard to speak . It hurts. My whole body is aching. My family all leave the room and Shawn coughs slightly trying to get my attention.

"Stella, chase was in the truck that hit you" he runs his hand over his face . His eyes are red and puffy . He looks like he's been crying.

Wait what?

"Is he okay? I have to go see him" I try to get up but Shawn stops me.

"Stop Stella don't hurt yourself" he pushes me gently back down into the bed.

"Chase died last week" his voice cracks. Tears start to stream down his face.

"Wait what?" My heart falls into my stomach.

"He was doing okay for a couple of days. He was awake and talking and laughing and joking and he was fine Stella" he sobs "he had a blood clot that traveled to his brain and it killed him instantly"

"Oh god" I throw my hand up to my mouth.

This can't be happening. This can't be real. I feel like if I close my eyes and open them again this will all just be a bad dream . A terrible dream.

What if it was my fault?

"Oh my god, was it my fault? Did I crash into him?" I question , tears fall out of my eyes. It's oddly painful.

"No baby it wasn't your fault" Shawn shakes his head "he blew the red light going 60 miles per hour"

"Claire ? Oh my god . Where is she? She must be devastated" I cry

"The funeral was today, she's going to be here after it. She's being so strong Stella you would be so proud of her" Shawn wipes away his tears.

He looks so broken. He looks Devastated. I've never seen him look so gutted before.

"Why didn't you go to the funeral? Shawn you have to go I can't let you miss it" I usher him to go but he shakes his head.

"You flatlined yesterday Stella , I thought I was gonna lose you. I lost chase last week . I lost my brother last week and yesterday I thought I was gonna lose you.  My entire world went down yesterday Stella. I wasn't leaving you for anything" he sobs.

"Come here" I open my arms. He climbs into the bed with me and cuddles his head into the crook of my neck.

"I thought you were gone Stella. I thought I was gonna lose you yesterday" he cries into my neck.

"I'm right here baby" I run my fingers through his hair. "I'm not going anywhere , your not gonna lose me" I promise him.

"My eyes hurt" I tell him honestly. He looks up at me and frowns.

"Your eyes are black and blue. They said your gonna be pretty sore for a while. You just have to take it easy for now on" he holds his grip on me a little bit tighter. It hurts but I let him do it anyway. The pain feels good . It means I'm alive .

I am lucky. I am heartbroken that chase did not make it. But I know I am lucky. I will forever be grateful for being alive.

"I cancelled the tour" Shawn speaks up after a couple of seconds.

"No Shawn you can't cancel it, you worked so hard to get there you can't cancel the tour" I shake my head and he kisses me hand.

"It's cancelled Stella , its final. I'll go back on tour when I'm ready but for right now I need to be here with you" he says sternly signaling that nothing I say will change his mind.

"I'm sorry" I start to cry, he looks up at me and kisses my cheeks where the tears have fallen down.

"I'm just happy your alive"

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