heartstrings(marichat)ps not mine

chapter 11

Every time the Screamer opens his mouth, Marinette's voice comes out. Rattling screams, desperate pleas, broken sobs, poisonous words. Every time, a small part of Chat Noir breaks .

He bends and fissures and cracks and shatters. The night air is cool against the wet tracks on his face, proof of his guilt, of his internalized anger, and his heart aches with such a sickness he wonders fleetingly if he'll throw up. Something inside him trembles with white-hot heat as he grits his teeth and swings his baton down at the villain.

The akumatized thief dodges it effortlessly, easily predicting Chat's reckless abandon as they parry attacks. Chat tries his best to retain a sense of the moment. Tries to remind himself that this isn't Marinette, that she is safe and probably on her way to him now, that nothing the akuma says is truth.

"Chat," he hears Marinette's voice say "stop!" He swipes outwardly with his claws, clipping the Screamer on the shoulder. Chat clenches his jaw tightly as another one of Marinette's screams rips out of the akuma's mouth. "You're hurting me! Chat! "

" Marinette is safe !" Chat isn't sure if he's saying that more for himself or to trick the akuma into thinking that the attacks aren't effective. A vicious growl tears out of his mouth as he pounces, pinning the Screamer to the ground, staff pressed to his neck to keep him down.

Somewhere locked away inside Chat Noir's reasonable side, he knows he ought to be searching for the location of the akuma. That's what Ladybug would do. She's big picture, she's the one with the sensible plans and strategic execution. She is unpredictable and impulsive at times, but he can read her. He's her shadow, her support, her partner. He knows her best.

That's why, even though Chat knows that finding and releasing the akuma is priority, he can't see past the face of the boy lying underneath him. Because that's what Ladybug would do , not Chat. He's the follower. This boy trapped beneath his baton is nothing but a victim - but, no, Chat remembers, that's not right either. With or without the purple shadow on his eyes, the Screamer is a villain. A stranger, a person ready and willing to assault innocents, someone who has threatened Marinette not only once but two times.

And he hurt her .

He breathes out heavily through his nose, resisting the urge to do something stupid. Marinette is fine , he reminds himself. I'm not a vigilante, I'm a hero. I save people I don't spoon out revenge. I'm a hero.

"Chat Noir," Marinette's voice comes to him, sweet and decadent as honey, "please stop hurting me. All you ever do is hurt me."

He stares down at the akuma, heat shivering behind his wide eyed gaze. All reassurances stop short and it's all he can do not to choke on his own breath.

"It's because of you that I was taken. It's because of you. You've ruined my life. He hurt me , Chat Noir."

"Stop," Chat says quietly, the rage a soft snarl caught in his throat. His hands clench around the staff.

"Why don't you just leave me alone? If you left me alone, I might be safe. I would be happier without you. Safer. I never would have been hurt. It's your fault. This is all your fault ."

He grits his teeth, and presses against the akuma's throat with the baton. The words hurt because they're true and Chat knows it. His heart seizes, and he didn't think it'd ever be possible to hate himself more than he already did when she ended up in a tabloid article about her love affair with him but he does . "Stop! Shut up! Just shut up!" A sob breaks his voice cleanly in two. His hands shake. "I know, alright!? I - I..."

The Screamer smiles - not in a way that's particularly evil, but the satisfaction is almost just as bad. An akuma mask appears around his face and Chat knows he should be doing something other than sitting there on top of the villain, quivering with every last bit of guilt. His eyes feel hot and they burn with unshed tears.