Saudade (Published under Indie Pop)

Chapter 22: The Stormy Sea

He looked serious when he accused me of witchcraft, but he seemed to be not mad, too. And I regarded him as if he just said something ridiculous. I didn't know that this pirate world could turn into a fiction world. Of course, I've heard of the existence of witches and warlocks and the other supernatural creatures but I didn't completely believe in them. Even this pirate world was once a fiction world to me.

"If I am a witch, I would have cast a spell on you to be good towards me," I said.

He didn't answer and instead, he looked back again to the darkness. Whatever was going on in his mind, it must be troubling him. He was probably thinking of the Forsaken Land and Imara. He probably didn't want to leave yet.

"She will wait for you until you come back. Wherever you go, I know you'll always find your way home."

Somehow, I felt sad for him. Behind the rude and violent pirate was a son longing for his mother. Maybe he wasn't born with that harsh attitude. Maybe the pirate world changed him – like it did to Threy Weston. He turned to me like I just hit some delicate wound in his body. He probably didn't expect that I would be nice to him.

"Is that the way you cast your spell?" He suddenly asked.

"What?" I frowned. Was he going back to the witchcraft accusation?

"Nevermind. You should go and have your dinner. I think the pirates are finishing up," he said and without another glance, he left.

Talking to Owain without him insulting or attacking me was completely weird. But it was better than having a near-death encounter with him. I didn't think I could handle another life-endangerment for the day. I already had enough blood to shed for now.

I decided to go back to my room instead of going to the dining area. I wasn't hungry at the moment. Maybe it had something to do with the unsteady motion the huge waves were bringing to the ship. I wasn't even sure if I could sleep for the night. When I entered the room, the first thing I noticed was the small pot and a cup on the table – the smell of it was inviting and I knew it was hot cocoa. And then the next one was the sneaky entrance of Roger in my room. I didn't see him when we docked in the Forsaken Land and when he brushed his furry body against my legs, I knew he missed me.

"I met a wonderful woman in the Forsaken Land and had a lot of meat. She even gave me this cocoa. How about you, Roger? Where have you been all this time?"

"Meow..."

And that was the only answer I got from him. I wished I could do cat-talking so I could break this language barrier between us. I decided to drink the cocoa and silently thanked the one who prepared it. Maybe it was Erasmus, or Alon because his pet was around here. I let Roger curled up in a ball on my chair as I sat on my bed and watched him sleep. I wished I was a cat so I could have an excuse for staying in someone else's room. And with that, I remembered the midnight dream, when I woke up in the morning and realized that I was in a different room lying on someone's bed. He kissed me, and I knew it wasn't just a dream for I remember every detail of it – every movement of his lips against mine. It all felt so real. It felt like he really cared for me. And maybe he did, but I was probably ranking third or fourth or in the middle or last on his list. But at that time, I thought that the most important thing was he at least cared for me - until I saw him in the lake with blood in his hands and a dead body on his feet. That was the moment when I realized that it probably wasn't him. He wasn't the man I fell in love years ago. And it was breaking me because I thought I had him only to know that what I had wasn't real. Who knew how many deaths he had in his hands? And death was a permanent thing – it was like a scar that would never fade. Would I still love him despite his ugly scars?

I didn't sleep that night – because of the storm and the devastation inside me. I felt like I had been in numerous calamities in a single day, and I didn't know how to live again. But the grey light that passed through my small window told me that it was already morning and the continuous loud whining of Roger forced me to rise up. My head started to spin when I tried to stand. I guessed it was still stormy outside. I tried to catch Roger to stop him from ruining my cabin but I fell on the floor instead. Roger bumped against the table in his rampage and the pot and cup fell on him. I saw the cup broke into pieces and cut through Roger and when he started to whine loudly, I panicked. I saw some blotches of blood in his grey fur so I tried to catch him again. But he continued moving and crashed himself against the door like he was trying to open it with his own strength. So I walked towards the door and open it thinking that he was just suffocated in my room and having another space would calm him down. However, when I tried to touch him again, he attacked me and scratched my arm, causing the bandaged wound to bleed again. He dashed throughout the door and with a limping leg, ran towards the deck. I decided to follow Roger for I was worried about his sudden outburst. I was wondering if he was sick or feeling any pain in his body and that was why he started to become violent.

When I reached the deck, a shower of cold rain welcomed me. I tried to hold on to something to support myself because it was apparently windy and the waves were still rocking the ship. The pirates were busy on their posts, trying to keep the ship moving in the right direction that was why they never noticed us when Roger jumped to the railing and I headed towards him. This time, I couldn't stop the worry that crossed my heart for the cat. It was stormy and he was balancing himself on the metal railing. I was afraid that he might fall down the violent sea.

"Roger, come down!" I said calmly to him.

"Meow," and he whined again.

He looked scared and pained. He must be in an extreme agony or stress. Someone finally noticed us for I heard a voice screaming in my direction.

"What the hell! Get back inside!"

I turned to see Owain glaring towards us. The Skull, who was at the helm and controlling the direction of the ship turned with a disapproving look on his face. I pointed at Roger to let them know that I was trying to save him.

"Roger! Something is wrong with Rog –"

I wasn't able to finish my sentence when a huge wave suddenly hit the ship sending Roger flying into the air. I watched in horror as he bended his body to land on the railing again but I knew that he would miss it. So without thinking twice and gaining my balance back, I ran towards him and jumped. Another wave hit the ship at that moment sending me higher on to the air and giving me more space to get near Roger. I was able to grab the cat and hugged him against my chest feeling relieved that I was able to save him. But when gravity pulled us back down, I saw that it wasn't the deck that we'd fall on – it was the raging sea and the storm. Pulling up my strength, I decided to throw Roger to the deck and watched him whine as he landed on the floor. That was when I realized that it was a stupid act after all – it was also brave but stupid. And as I got near the violent waves, I let go of all the fear and pain inside me. Until finally, I was embraced by the wrath of the sea.