Handshake

The Resurfacing

Cue music: eery - Reefer

"What do you mean, a 10 hour meeting?! I don't have time for that crap!"

"It's urgent, and concerns the entirety of your species. But, if you want to let all of us die, you're probably going to get fired by Rain. And no paycheck either for the work today." said the AI

"That snobby bitch... This is going to be a long ass day. I was going to go to a developer's conference for the new genetic enhancements, but that ain't happening, is it?"

"They're merging the two. That's why it's so long. Didn't you get the memo?"

"They better have-"

"Free donuts and coffee provided. Arriving for the preconference will give you a decent amount of Vault, no fees attached."

"Hmm, I guess I'll go."

BEEP!!!
The intercom was going off.

"Who is this?"

"Hey asshat! Did you finish the assignment?"

"No, how do you expect me to finish the whole sequence in time?"

"You had one job, Alkaline. To finish segment #50, not the whole sequence!"

"*sigh* Alright boss. I'll scrap my current work."

"Just give me what you have, moron. We don't want to waste work. We'll just have Lithium finish the rest of segment #50."

"Say, are you headed to the confe-"

Call terminated.

"rence?"

"Eh, whatever."

"Since you have nothing to do, would you like to hypersleep until 15 minutes before the conference?"

"Hold on. I gotta check something. Bring up my terminal."

"Awaiting your command."

"Neural input and security protocol, uh, browser. Connect duplex."

"Your connection is secure. What would you like to see?"

"Check my newsfeed."

A hologram appeared.

Spend Vault, get Abilities fast! Start now for a 50% discount on every purchase!
*Absolutely no catches. Also, full refund guaranteed should you be dissatisfied!
Signed digitally by the W. Govt. clear. #96, surname Barron [VALID]

"Interesting, why is it signed by someone with my surname? Well then... Credit the deal to the smart contract."

"What Ability would you like?"

1. Physical build
2. IQ supplement
3. Biocide resistence
4. Built-in synergetic AI (upgradable)
5. Sensory enhancement (toggleable higher dimension sight)
6. [PREMIUM] Spacetime Manipulation
7. [PREMIUM] Immortality

"How much does the IQ supplement and AI cost?"

"9 Vault. I will be your integrated AI, and you will gain superior memory, attention, and fast logical processing, especially for math. You will gain 50 IQ points."

"Kinda lofty price, but it's better than paying 18 Vault. Proceed."

"Crediting... Verified by Instant Transaction."