I need you

   

The ticking of the clock grew louder and louder as it reached every corner of my ears, making me realize how long I've been here. Here, in this decrepit cramped room, which only seemed to get darker and darker as the seconds past. My heart threatened to lurch out of my weak chest.

I lay uneasy on the ground with my knees digging into my face preventing my blurred eyes to see the horrifying figure that lay inches away from me.

My eyes had now adjusted to an uncomfortable blurry vision and the hot streams of tears started to dry my face leaving an odd sensation along my eyes trailing towards my neck. The pain in my heart continued to intensify and sting every part of my body, causing me to shake. Shake in the fear that I lost her. Shake in the fear that I lost the one person who loved me. Shake in the fear that I've lost the one person who gave me a loving embrace that no one could and no one will. Ever. Again.

My body was trembling in pain and all hope was lost. My body failed me, I could no longer take the weight of my thoughts that seemed to multiply every second, pressing me against the frigid marble floor.

The courage to stare at the body lying in the puddle of crimson bitter blood disappeared. I was shrieking in pain, in anger, in despair, and no one could hear me, understand me.

The room seemed to trap me in with unsettling thoughts that only seemed to get worse. My breathing became noticeably louder and heavier. A drop of sweat formed along my forehead, making the surface of my face sticky and unpleasant. My face began to heat up, with emotions I couldn't begin to comprehend. The redness of my cheeks was comparable to the blood that surrounded my vision.

My body suddenly grew stiff, and for a split second, I could swear I felt a feeling of hope creep up my back. A feeling I thought dissipated forever. My cries became more gentle and my eyes seemed to have got a chance to breathe again. I soon felt an oh so familiar hand embrace me, with a loving and caring stroke that passed along my body. Sending hope and igniting a slow arising smile along with my rigid face that was plastered with tears and hate moments ago. I quickly returned the beautiful embrace, however with a much tighter grip. I felt all my energy passed to my arms to force myself to tell her how much I missed her, how much I need her.

I lifted my head that was cozily set on her shoulder, towards her face. Memories of her smiles invaded my thoughts and I wanted nothing more than to see one of her smiles. The one that always seemed to cheer me up. The one that always gave me hope. Right now, this very second I wanted nothing more than to see her tender face with those loving crystal blue eyes give me hope through her smile. I now faced her, but none of my thoughts seemed to match the image I saw in front of me.

Her eyes broken with multiple tear drops that hung around her long curly eyelashes, her face giving a very tense and guilty look, her forehead laced with numerous wrinkles that showed her worry, her head was wrapped with layers of crimson blood that seemed to drop hitting against the icy marble floor making my heart break every time and through all this she still gave me her magical smile. Her same smile that I love scared me.

I felt my teeth dig into my bottom lip piercing through, causing me to taste the blood that seemed to flow easily. My eyes filled with grief and anguish and seemed to flow yet again.

Those hot streams erupted frantically as I tried to stay in the embrace. I couldn't help but let out a loud forceful cry that seemed to surround us, I felt as they caused shock and fear to her as they screeched along her.

Her grip grew instinctively stronger and she dug me further into her embrace as if she was never letting go. I could still smell a faint scent of rose and lavender, the same familiar smell makes me feel safe and less agitated.

My tear drops seemed to drop carelessly on her scarlet red shirt staining the beautiful designs that seemed to fade away with every tear drop, washing away the fear that I held onto so tightly. The fear of losing her.

"Don't leave me!" my voice screeched and as each word let go of my tongue I felt the pain and grief leave me along with it. I felt as though the weight of my fear had been lifted. I felt another smile forcing itself on my face. Like my mind is convincing me that everything will be alright.

I felt the distance between us suddenly increase. I felt her grip loosen and her attempt to tighten the grip failed, like all her energy, all her hope slipped from her hands and she lost the strength to embrace me. My weak hands fought to keep her held closely against me. My thundering heart seemed to become more and more heavier and harder to control. I felt as though I was going to collapse under the weight of my own body.

I let her go. Her body fell to the ground and I fell along with her, as though I had no control over my actions. I felt multiple emotions urge up. Anger, frustration, hate, but mostly I was scared. scared that I lost her. My body and mind couldn't accept the truth and all I could do was lay there next to her looking at her hopeful face with that hopeful smile that was painted on her face.

And suddenly I felt as though I lost everything. I lost my thoughts, I lost control, I lost my emotions but really I lost her.

She left me alone in the inhospitable and louring room.

She left me without an answer.

I felt my body struggle to keep me alive. I could feel my heart beat faster and my breathing become longer. Every part of me internally screamed and ached for the warmth that I lost. The love that I lost. The hope that I lost.

I brought my hand close to her neck supporting her and my other hand placed on her left cheek. I gradually lifted her frail body and brought her face close to my heart, as if I was trying to tell her how much I love her one last time. I looked at her as every single memory passed through me. I held her hands in mine and brought them to my face, gently kissing the pale soft hands while letting out more uncontrollable tears that seemed to engulf my face. Each tear leaving a trail of misery, sorrow, heartache, and regret.

The tears started to collect into her cupped hands that I still had close to my face. I hugged her one last time. I hugged her frail and weak body that connected to her blood stained face that still had trails of her loving and hopeful smile, one last time.

Moments later anger replaced my unceasing sorrow. I let my arms carefully place her back to the ground, and I built the strength to bring my wobbly knees to carry my weight as I forced myself to stand up.

My hand unknowingly held my heart firmly and as I glanced back at her, I felt every piece of me shatter. I hollered out every piece of me as I let those undeniably inconsolable words out of my mouth "I won't let you go!".

I felt every knuckle in my fist crunch and echo into my ears, as I tightened my fist bringing everything I have into them, while I wailed out "I need you".

~ I need you ~