Innocence and the Outlaw

Chapter Fourteen

Leah stared at Benjamin with shock as she took a moment to digest his words. What he was saying made an odd sort of sense but she refused to entertain the notion for a single second. What she and Chase had was true and it was real. Yes it had been born of less than ideal circumstances but that didn't lessen the sincerity of what she felt... did it?

"Benjamin, please, don't do this to me...."

"Do what? Leah I would never hurt you. If you think what you feel for that man is true then by all means I will release you from the promise your parents made to me and send you off with him with my best regards. But I want you to think carefully before you make that decision. I don't want to see you make a mistake and only realize it to be a mistake once it's too late.

"Chase is an Indian which means you'll never be accepted in any society situation. He has no skills other than to be an outlaw because if he did then he would have been using them instead of stealing hard earned money from people who need it. He may paint a pretty picture of what your lives will be like but you will be in constant danger.

"I don't have much more to offer than he does which is why I would never tell you that you had to marry me. If you don't want to marry me than you don't have to but you can't marry that man... Not after what he did to me. What he did to us. You say he didn't have anything to do with it but he did. He could have spoken up. He could have tried to stop them. He offered no resistance. No argument."

"He has saved my life more than once." Leah countered, though her voice was low and her heart heavy with doubt. Was Benjamin right? She just didn't know... Benjamin had never lied to her and she knew that even now his heart was in the right place. He wasn't trying to force her to marry him he was simply wanting her to think hard about marrying Chase.

Still she wished he hadn't put these doubts in her heart.

"I've said all I can say." Benjamin gave in with a sigh. "You'll do what you think is right and I'll support you..... You look very good considering what you've probably gone through."

"It wasn't that bad. I thought you were dead and cried a lot for a while but I guess a person pushes pain aside in order to survive. In truth Chase made my life at the camp easy..."

"Have you and he.... Have you...?" Benjamin shifted his arms and rolled his shoulder as he cleared his throat and flushed with embarrassment.

"Yes." Leah replied, picking at her pants and wondering why she suddenly felt shame for what she had done.

"That's why your father called you ruined?"

"Yes."

"You're not ruined, Leah. You were an angel back then and you are still an angel now. Nothing could ever ruin you in my eyes." Leah let out a choked sob and buried her head in her hands. She was lost. She was confused. She had no idea what to do.

"Leah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...."

"Just stop, please." Leah gasped and she stood and ran from the room, up the stairs and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

She cried a long time. So long in fact that the light coming through her bedroom window began to fade. She knew what she had to do... But doing it was going to be harder than anything else she had ever faced in her life.

***

"Where is Chase?" Leah asked her brother as she stepped out onto the porch at sunset. Chance looked up from the stick he was carving on and nodded toward the side of the house.

"He's up on the lookout hill. He's been up there with that horse of his since you went inside."

"Okay." Leah whispered as she stuck out her trembling chin and clenched her fists tight against the tears that wanted to fall. She would think that she had none left but obviously she did. Her mother had come to her room during the time she'd been crying in her bed and let her know how sweet Benjamin was. How much he truly loved Leah.