DESTINED AFFECTION

NINETEEN

"She said no," Lauren said on a sigh. "I think I'm glad that she did." She turned her head and regarded Ally seriously. "I can't stop thinking about her, but I'm not sure if that's just because she's the first woman who has made me feel anything since Terry."

"That's saying quite a lot, don't you think?" Ally struggled not to scream, Don't run from her. She's the best thing that could happen to you!

Lauren nodded. "It is amazing. But I still don't know what it means."

"Do you have to know?" At Lauren's look of confusion, Ally continued, "Why can't it be enough just to have the feelings, and see where they go?"

"It was like that with Terry, but we were so young. Now the idea of getting involved with someone, even just physically, seems huge." Lauren looked out through the windshield, but she wasn't seeing the quiet residential street. She was seeing Camila's expression as she'd stepped back from their kiss, regret and longing in her eyes. "And I'm pretty sure that Camila wants more than just a roll in the hay."

Lauren , sweetheart, so do you. Ally recalled the way that Camila had looked at Lauren at the barbecue, as if Lauren was the only woman present. She considered, too, the tremendous intensity and focus with which Camila did everything. It made sense that Camila would want more than a brief affair. "So how did you leave it?"

Lauren lifted both hands and let them fall onto the steering wheel, shaking her head as she did so. "She said she wanted more than just sex, and I said I wasn't certain that I was capable of anything more."

"And then she pushed?"

"Camila?" Lauren smiled, a fond sad smile. "She would never do that. She said she understood, and that she'd see me tomorrow at work."

Ally made a sound verging on a groan. "God, it's a damn good thing that Perrie is so fabulous in bed, or else I'd have to arm-wrestle you for Mila."

"Yeah, right. Like you'd ever look at anyone else."

"Look, maybe." Ally laughed. "At the risk of sounding sexist, even if she weren't the mother of my children, I'd never want anyone but her."

Lauren met Ally's gaze. "I never thought I'd want anyone but Terry, either."

"And now you do?"

"I think so." Lauren glanced down at her left hand, her wedding ring just a dull gleam in the glow from the streetlights. "I never imagined that I would."

"You never imagined you'd be at this place without her, either, sweetheart." Gently, Ally reached across the space between the seats and put her arm around Lauren's shoulder. "But you are, and it's all right to keep on living."

Lauren leaned her head against Ally's shoulder and sighed. "My head knows that, but I'm not sure that the rest of me is convinced."

"It sounds like your body already knows." Ally hugged her. "Give yourself a little time to get used to the idea, and if you still want to, go for it. I think Camila is terrific."

"I'm not sure I'd even know what to do. I never really dated anyone but Terry, and we were just horny teenagers who were lucky enough to fall in love with the right person." Lauren grinned wryly. "Besides, Camz might not believe I'm really interested in her after my brush-off tonight."

"Romance her, sweetheart." Ally laughed. "She'll get the idea."

Romance her. Could I? Lauren closed her eyes and sighed, then straightened. "I think I'm too tired to make any sense of this tonight. Should I get my munchkin?"

"Nah. She's out, and you know how she sleeps. Let her stay." Ally opened the car door. "Perrie can handle one extra." She hesitated before getting out. "In fact, she's talking about one more of our own."