fragments 》rilaya

how would you feel?

Fragments

"how would you feel if i told you i loved you?"

Inspiration: ed sheeran

"I love you, riley" I whisper before cuddling further into her warm embrace

the moon glows off of the curtains of the bay window and we don't care that it's the middle of the night because we're here, and we're safe, and we're protected.

"I love you too, maya" my heart flutters at her words.

I look up at her the moonlight is breaking through her hair illuminating her features. A soft smile graces her face as she drifts off to sleep. Its amazing how someone's soul can shine so hard. Her presence illuminates the world even in the darkest hours of the night. If only she knew how much i truly loved her.

" I love you too, Maya."

Her words were stuck in my mind, as they often were every single time they were uttered. The thing is she doesn't love me and she never will at least not in the way I love her. Her words sting even though that is not her intention.

She hurts me.
Not intentionally.
She has no way of knowing how bad my heart aches.

It hurts to know I love her, it hurts to know she doesn't love me, and it hurts to know I will never love anyone like I love her. I will never get the chance to fall in love mutually.

To mutually fall in love with someone must be so wonderful. To love someone and be loved. It seems so safe and comfortable. It must be beautiful for two souls to collide like that. Love each other like that.

I think about her all the time sometimes maybe too much. She's on my mind every second of every day.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I told her I loved her, only sometimes I dare to believe in a future with her. Believe in an us. I quickly shake the thought from my head knowing that it will only hurt more in the long run.

We have been through so much together and I have somehow hopelessly fallen head over heals in love with her along the way.

Why does she have to be so,, perfect, exquisite, beautiful.

I love her so fucking much I can barely breathe. My heart stops every time she pulls me just a little too close. My cheeks burn a little too bright every time her hand graces my thigh as a sign of reassurance, and when she looks me in the eyes I can't quite navigate her emotions anymore. I'm going to love her till my lungs give out.

I'm hopelessly devoted to her and my love is the most tragic way of self destruction.

I'm suffocating in her embrace and I can barely breathe anymore. I'm deeply emerged in her grasp and I need to take a breath. I'm drowning, and suffering. I gasp for air everytime my muffled longing resurfaces.

When ever we break away from prolonged embraces my world collapses. I hate myself for falling in love with someone I'm so close to. I tend to never let people in to close because everytime I open up it hurts, but with Riley I had no choice. I had already been sinking before noticed I was drowning.

Falling in love is sneaky, suddenly you have what the whole world talks about. It's not nearly as much as a dream as they express it as.

I admire her for just a little longer before I slip away. I leave her one last lingering gaze before disappearing into the night.

I sneak down the fire escape, the world has quieted down. I twist through the streets of New York barely bothered by the possible predators that may be lurking in the shadows. I have spent too much time in the dark to be afraid of the night.

Normally I would've stayed with Riley, I probably shouldve stayed with Riley, but tonight the pain was too much to endure.

As I reached the door to my apartment I make it a point to lock the door, my mom wouldn't be home till the morning. I slide against the door breaking down in quiet sobs.

It hurts.

To: riles🌈🦄

How would you feel,, if i told you I love you. It's just something that I want to do. I'll be taking my time spending my life falling deeper in love with you, so tell me that you love me too?

Delivered 1:15am