After Wrong Number

I just want to be part of your symphony

"Do you even know what time it is?" She asked me again and I shook my head.

"Honey, it's almost 9 P.M." She smiled weakly towards me as her hand now caressed my cold cheek.

This did made me look at her. I didn't know that time actually went that fast. I've been in my bed since yesterday evening and didn't care to eat nor drink something.

"Why didn't you just told me?" She asked me worried as she sighs, but I still didn't dare to speak up.

It was as if I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to say, what to think or what to do.

"It's okay honey, I'm not mad at you. I get it. I'm going to make you something to eat and drink. I'll call your school tomorrow to explain about today. You go and take a shower, don't forget to take your medicines okay?" She asked me.

I slowly nodded again, not wanting to fight and worry her even more. She was about to walk away until she stopped.

"And Matthew honey? It's okay to cry and let it all out. Don't torture yourself by keeping it all in" She suddenly said before she left me to freshen up myself.

How in the hell do mothers know everything?

I eventually sighed and got up from bed. I did what she asked me to. I worried her to death, this was the least I could do.

After I took a shower, took my medicine and changed myself into a comfortable hoodie and some sweatpants, I was about to go downstairs until I heard my phone ringing.

"Hello?" I answered my phone.

"Matty! Oh thank god" I heard Ryan sigh in relief.

"Why are you calling me?" I asked him in a soft, almost shy tone.

"I tried to reach you all day long Matt! I haven't seen you since yesterday and I didn't see you at school today either. Is everything okay? You sound different?" He rambled a bit, but I barely understand the half of it since I wasn't really there with my mind.

"Uh yeah, I'm totally fine. I-uh just have this massive hangover" I lied, hoping he wouldn't pick up on it. I was such a bad liar.

"But.. You can't drink while you're taking your antidepressants?" He asked me sounding suspicious.

"Look Ryan, I got to go bye" I muttered really fast and immediately hung up on him.

I slightly felt bad about constantly lying to my own best friend. But I didn't need help or someone to worry and look out for me, I was fine. I'm not a little kid anymore. I could take care of myself.

I walked downstairs to see a plate filled with pancakes and some fruit besides them on the dinner table. She knew it was my favorite food and in that moment I was actually happy to have my mom.

"Thank you mom" I whispered, sitting down and dug in my food, realizing how hungry I actually were.

"If you need anything, just call me okay?" She said and kissed my cheek before going to what I guess, her room.

After I finished everything I heard the bell ringing so I made my way towards the door wondering who the hell that could be.

I opened the front door and was actually surprised to see Ryan standing there with a bag filled with different kinds of candy, chocolate and chips.

"R-Ryan? What..? What are you doing here?" I asked with my mouth slightly hanging open, practically gaping at the small boy.

"I'm your best friend Matthew, how could you expect from me not to know that something was wrong? I'm guessing you're having a depression episode now, am I right?" He asked me so I sadly had to admit by nodding, feeling ashamed so I instantly looked away before I would blush like a total idiot.

"Hey look at me Matt" I heard him sigh, but I did look back at him.

"It's okay, I brought all of your favorite snacks so we can do whatever you want to do. I asked my parents to stay the night and your mom is also fine with it" He said and went inside, inviting himself like how probably every best friend would do.

In that moment I realized how good of a friend Ryan was and I was so glad that I met him through him. I only trusted Ryan these days and he did so many things for me for example putting up with me.

I was glad that he knew about my disorder, that he knew what I needed and wanted whenever I had an episode. And that he knew how he had to act around me. Maybe it would be okay after all.

I closed the door and followed him towards my room, almost smiling.

"So, what do you want to do?" He asked and looked at me as he took off his jacket and shoes, putting them aside.

"I just want to lay in bed to be honest" I said and shrugged.

"Cuddling it is" he agreed and we laid next to each other covered in warm blankets until I leaned my head on his chest, throwing my arms around the small boy and slowly closing my eyes after a while.

"Thank you" I whispered at him, feeling really tired since I haven't been sleeping a lot and slowly falling asleep on his chest, feeling his hands rubbing on my back.

It felt good yet so wrong. It almost felt as if I was with him again, making me realize that he wasn't here anymore.

And when he was gone I felt incomplete
And if I could tell him the truth:

All I wanted was to be part of his symphony.