Never Been Kissed

- TEN -

                                                                           -•TEN•-

 

The panda he bought me sat in the window seat, seeming to stare at me with its creepy, circular glass eyes. The rim of caramel that made its iris caught the sunlight with a faint sparkle, but those large, glassy black pupils had me freaked.

I’d been avoiding Beck.

Texts, phone calls, even when he just popped by to see me, I didn’t want to see or hear from him. I’d boarded myself up in my room since that night. I didn’t even help mom by taking Opal to the park for swimming. She had to get Mrs. Bradford from across the street to do that now.

I think she got the point.

I stayed up in my room, staring at the wall for the entire week. I only moved to used the bathroom and eat. Mom usually brought up breakfast and dinner, but I hardly touched it most times.

The door slammed against the wall with a reverberating bang and mom stormed into my bedroom, placing her long, slender hands to rest against her trim hips.

“Amber Lily Montgomery!” she called me by my full name.

I looked up from the hole I’d been staring in the panda.

“This has been going on far too long now missy,” she said sternly, glaring concernedly at me.

“You don’t understand,” I replied in a voice so drab, I couldn’t believe it was my own. It sounded like the emotion had been ripped from me completely. “Just leave me alone like you always do mom, I’ll be fine in the end.”

Mom sighed. “Amber... Sweetheart, you can’t let your problem get the best of you. By doing this,” she pointed to the panda that sat on the window seat. “You’re ripping out a piece of yourself. I know it’s hurting sweetie, but you’re killing yourself with this. It’s not going to get any better if you keep hiding yourself beneath the disorder.”

“I’m fine.” I lied.

“You’re not.” Mom disagreed. She sighed and sat on the bed. “Don’t push him away. He’s a sweet boy and I think you should get to know him better. Since you two have been hanging out, I saw a change in you Amber; I don’t want you to go back to this self loathing wreck you were when school ended.”

“I’m fine.”

It was funny how that phrase had become my mantra since Dr. Newman diagnosed me with Stage 2 AvPD when I was six. It got me out of meds, playing with other kids, gave me an excuse to be alone, just how I liked it then.

“You’re not.” She repeated. “Running whenever things get tough never works Amber.”

I looked away. “It’s not my fault everyone thinks I’m a freak.” My voice was scratchy and I winced at the sound of it.

“That’s not true.” Mom replied. “People only see what you want them to see bella,” she patted my head softly. “Now it’s time to get out of your room. No ands, ifs or buts. You don’t have a say in the matter.”