Holding onto Stars

Where did Cessy go?

I gaze up from my tea

As she turns to me

And begins to ask,

Where did Cessy go?

I tell her I don't know,

But somewhere deep inside

The truth remains to stay;

Hidden behind my lie

The truth is there to stay.

And then she looks away,

Her sigh gives way,

And her voice turns to the past.

You know I want her back,

She says.

You know how much I love her;

When will she come back?

She asks.

I say I don't know that,

Though my mind begs me to tell,

And I have to lower my eyes

To the floor where they'll be quiet.

But she can't stand the silence,

Her expression turns on me,

And her own eyes tell our story now.

She wants to pry my truth out.

She wants to break my soul open.

She wants to rip my words free;

But for some reason she doesn't.

And I know she wants it,

But I have my wants, too;

I'm doing this for Cessy;

Cessy, I want to protect you.

But now she's searching for the truth;

She reaches out to grab my arm

And demands me what to do.

I do not want to hurt you,

She says.

I do not want to wait,

She states.

So to me these words you'll give-

Tell me where Cessy is.

My last choice is to fib;

My voice cracks as I tell her

That Cessy has left,

She's gone away

To someplace in her car.

But then she grabs her water

And throws the glass at my face;

She drops it to the floor

And allows it to shatter.

I blink away cold daggers

As she begins to scream,

She knows I'm lying.

She knows I'm wrong.

And this she cannot take.

Then a cold statement she makes-

It's this Cessy girl she hates;

Always betraying her.

Always hurting her.

Always cursing her.

That stupid Cessy girl.

But I hate her words.

And I stand to run away,

Just as Cessy would.

But this does not end the torture.

She begins to chase after me

And grabs my arm again;

She spins me around

And sticks her gaze to mine.

Do not tell me lies,

She orders me.

Only speak reality.

Where has Cessy gone?

But I can't go on.

I wipe away a tear,

And simply shake my head.

But then her stare turns red

And she strikes my cheek.

And it turns pink.

And she drops me to the floor.

Come on, girl.

She pleads.

Just give me an answer.

Just tell me what you know.

Where the hell did Cessy go?

My cries begin to flow

As I crane my neck to her

And prepare myself to speak.

My arms turn weak.

My stomach knots.

My hands sweat.

And my voice cracks,

The Cessy you want back-

You already have.

That Cessy girl

Is lying on this floor.

That stupid Cessy girl,

Cessy...

I am her.

-A/N- 

(A long one after all the haikus...)