Straight and Narrow

29. Danny

"I don't want to get up," Alaska moans her face buried in the pillow.

"I know you don't love but you need to." I sit down on the edge of the bed and gently rub circles on her back.

She turns over and looks up at me with her arms crossed above her head on the pillow. She exhales a deep yet shakey breath. I run my hand through her hair and using the back of my hand I wipe her cheeks dry.

"Come on honey, you need to eat." I push the plate of toast back across the table to her.

She shakes her head and looks down at the plate. A mumble escapes her mouth that sounds something like "I'm not eating."

"Please love, it's one slice of toast."

"I'm not hungry." She picks the toast up and tosses it in the bin before storming out the room and back into the bedroom.

I sigh and clear the plates away trying to tell myself she's just got a lot on her plate at the moment. I go back into the bedroom where Alaska is pulling her dress on. She looks back at me as I enter the room and gives me a dirty look. I keep my eyes down and pretend I haven't seen it.

With one last glance in the mirror we leave the house. I drive. As we get near the church I look over at Alaska who's staring out the window, I see a tear slide silently down the side of her expressionless face. I feel the pit of dread in my stomach grow as we enter the church. It's all so morbid, everybody wearing black and wearing downcast expressions. People swarm round Alaska giving her hugs and telling her what great people her parents were. I know they mean well but I can't help feeling that it's making the whole situation worse. That's confirmed when Alaska finally breaks free from the attention and joins my side again rolling her eyes as she takes hold of my hand and leads me to sit silently on the front pew.

"That just made you feel worse didn't it?" I mumble in her ear.

"Yup," she nods and pauses looking up to the high ceiling and blinking away tears, "they're talking about mom and dad as if they're staring to forget about them already."

I shoot her a questioning glance.

"They're saying stuff like 'your mom was an amazing lady' and 'your dad always was so proud of you'... well I know that but they don't need to use the word 'was' because they still are all of those things just because they're not physically breathing anymore doesn't mean they stop being these things." She hisses angrily.

I nod understanding what she means as I pull her into a tight cuddle hoping to make her feel better.

The funeral service is mind-numbingly boring. There's some old preacher leading it who has a droning voice and he looks like he should be in the ground too. I can feel Alaska seething with anger as her mum and dad's friends recount how great they were and how much they will be missed. It's cliché, mundane shite.

Alaska is invited up to the lectern. Her heels click on the floor as she confidently steps up it I know how nervous she is on the inside. She clears her throat and flicks her hair back over her shoulder.

"I want to say thanks to everyone for coming today. Now... no one knew my parents as well as I did. Sure you all know my mom was a classical pianist and my dad was always trying to fix that Chevrolet that's sat in the garage but you don't know that every morning my dad would take mom a cup of coffee in bed. You don't know how Dad made me feel when I was growing up and I'd be sat on his shoulder. I've sat through your speeches today and I agree with what your saying, they're great people and we will miss them but I know they won't want us to be grieving. They don't want us to mope around in a grey funk, they want us to remember all the good times they've shared with everyone of you. Obviously today is a sad day, my mom will never hold the weight of her grandson in her arms and my dad won't ever chase him round the garden or teach him how to fix Chevy's engine. I'm never going to see their faces again and this past week has been hell, I've been trying to put the blame somewhere but my attempts have been in vain. I now know the world works in weird ways as sometimes fate isn't kind to us but surround yourself with good people and we will learn to cope with two lives that have been torn away from us. There's a few people I'd like to say a special thank you to. Firstly Officer Wilson and Officer Grey for dealing with the situation and my little family so well and secondly to Danny, I honestly wouldn't have been to get through this week without you. You've been there for me no matter what time of day it is. I'm eternally greatfull."