Resilience

Chapter 23

After sending them to his secretary for their remuneration, Anthony called for Mr. Morgan and set him to packing, and then sent instructions to the stables for the carriage to be prepared for a trip to the country. He was eager to visit the village where Felicia grew up. He would discover the identities of her natural parents, even though he was aware that the truth might be something she would not wish to hear.

Still, Felicia was a strong woman, he knew, with a resilience of which few men could truthfully boast. She would be able to handle the truth, whatever it turned out to be.

***

Even on a sunny day, the Devon moors appeared wild and untameable. In stormy weather, they would be sinister indeed, with almost no trees, nor any shelter at all, except perhaps for an occasional overhanging rock or a small cave. And yet, it was beautiful in its own rather primitive way, a raw freshness that had no doubt appeared much the same hundreds of years ago. From the window of his coach he could see a winding stream in the distance which had the effect of making the scene more approachable, more forgiving.

He wondered idly if Felicia had spent much time wandering the moors in her childhood. Children would be drawn to it, he was certain, although it was treacherous too, and no doubt a risky expedition for heedless youth. Had Felicia's parents cared enough about her to warn her away from danger? Based on what he had learned about them, it seemed unlikely.

Anthony's thoughts were consumed with Felicia. He hadn't been in contact with her for more than six months, but he found himself constantly thinking about her and wondering how she and Cynthia were getting on in their new lives, and, as a consequence, feeling very lonely and left out. He spent nearly every waking moment trying to become a man worthy of her, and he felt he was making progress. But what if she could never bring herself to accept him? Or what if she met another gentleman—one was not a peer in the upper echelons of society—who would love her and her daughter and offer her a respectable life and family outside of the Ton? He himself could never promise her that her past would not become public at some point, and he couldn't bear to see her become the brunt of bawdy jokes and the recipient of cuts-direct by society's high sticklers.

Sighing, he reflected that his title was more of a curse than a blessing. It did indeed open doors into society and politics that would remain closed to most other gentlemen, but it also came with a vast number of rules for behavior that forced its bearers into virtual slavery to the concept of propriety. Overall, it favored the male gender, since they could follow the dictates of society by marrying suitably and setting up the facade of a proper society marriage while at the same time keeping a mistress that was more to their taste. Wives, on the other hand, were restricted to the attentions of their husbands, at least until the arrival of an heir or two, and even then, their extramarital escapades had to be discreet. Of course, there were plenty of wives who didn't follow those strictures, but as long as they played the dutiful wife in public, they could retain their place in society.

Of course, the mistresses did not fare so well. They had to become accustomed to receiving insults and cuts-direct from nearly all classes of people, although they could generally expect respectful treatment from shopkeepers and servants and those who benefitted from their custom. A mistress always had to be on the lookout for her next protector, because she never knew when her current one would find someone new and turn her out into the streets. Anthony thought of Sally and cringed as he recalled his callous abandonment and the sufferings she had endured. It was a common habit of gentlemen to disdain their mistresses as being mercenary and faithless, but in truth, they likely had no other choice. Faithful and generous mistresses who truly loved their protectors were unlikely to survive for long, unless their protectors returned their affections and made provisions for their future, as his uncle had done for Felicia.