The Man in Strings

XVI. Aftermaths

Nasamid.

Ulit.

Ako.

Maine sighed and stood up again, repeating the same things she did a while ago. But this time, I got coffee on my shirt, so she went upstairs, probably to get an extra shirt. Ako na ang nagpunas ng mesa at pagbaba nya nga, may dala na syang extra shirt. She stared at me the whole time I was changing and I felt.. awkward. "Meng," okay, you know I'm in danger when I'm using her college nickname now. "Ano ba talagang ginawa at sinabi ko kagabi?"

She sat beside me and we faced each other. "You asked me. For sex."

"No kidding?"

"Mukha ba akong magbibiro?!" And then she was crying. I fought the urge to hug her, because she was... Mainezilla just a while ago and I don't want to fuck things further. "You fell asleep na. Tapos nagising ka in the middle of the night. You asked for water so I got it for you tapos you never stopped talking since then. Kung anu-ano na sinasabi mo hindi ko maintindihan. Tapos bigla mo na lang akong tinanong kung pwede ba akong makipag-sex sa'yo," she sobbed in between words. "Naiiyak tuloy ako!"

"Were you scared?" God, I'd never drink again. My thoughts were too.. careless. "I'm sorry. I'd never ask that again -"

"Sabi ko naman sa'yo wala talagang problema sa'kin sa sex eh!" She whined. "I was just worried that you were drunk and you might be saying that to all those other girls you're with kasi lasing ka kaya tinatanong kita, Rj! Ano bang frustration mo?! Sex o ako?!"

Hindi ko lang pinapakita pero alalang-alala na talaga ako. Ano bang pinagsasabi ko kagabi? "Maine," one of my hands landed on her knee. Ayoko syang hawakan sa ibang parte ng katawan nya, baka lalo pang lumala 'tong inaasta nya. "Let's try to be -"

"Sagutin mo na lang, Rj!"

"Ikaw!" I blurted out. "Ayaw kitang takutin, Maine. Kaya hindi ko na lang sinasabi."

Bigla syang tumayo sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. I remembered myself describing her as a newly delivered package on my doorstep everyday dahil hindi ko mahulaan ang mga susunod na gagawin o sasabihin nya kahit anong pag-iisip ang gawin ko. Well, this proves that I'm not wrong.

Sinundan ko sya at nakita kong ini-lock nya 'yong pintuan nila in all ways possible. Pakiramdam ko para akong nasa trial dahil hindi ko talaga maintindihan si Maine. Remind me again why I loved a woman as weird as her? "Bumalik tayo sa kusina," then she dragged me by the wrist back to where we were seated a while ago.

"Bakit mo ni-lock 'yung pintuan?"

"My brothers do not knock," sagot nya. "Baka bigla-bigla na lang tayong istorbohin sa gitna ng pag-uusap natin."

"A-ano bang pag-uusapan natin?"

"Iyong frustrations mo."

I laughed awkwardly. "M-maine, it's really fine. Sinagot ko lang naman dahil nagtanong ka. I could keep it in, really."

"Gaano kadalas?"

"Ang alin?"

"'Yung mga thoughts mo."

Buti na lang hindi ako umiinom, kundi namatay na ako sa samid. "T-thoughts na ano?"

Naningkit lang mga mata nya. "Rj."

"M-medyo dumadalas," I sighed. Why are we having this conversation again? "Because you've been too comfortable and careless at the same time. Sa bahay. Sa akin. Hindi ka na nagla-lock ng pinto and you're not really wary of what was happening around you. I walked in on you, once, when you were changing. Hindi mo alam kasi lumabas agad ako, never mo naman na-open up. Hindi naman ako madamot sa damit, Maine, but please stop wearing my clothes. Or bawasan mo man lang, because you really looked damn good in my shirts sometimes I just wanted to fuck you wearing those."