It's been three days since our argument
And I was really cruel,
It is only just occurring to me,
That maybe something was wrong.
He said he has no excuses
But what does that really mean?
For all I know,
He could just be hiding something.
Then again,
I don't expect much from him.
They leave, they all leave,
Made you wish they'd left sooner.
Their memory taunts you
Until you end up crying
While doing nothing at all,
Or they made sure to never have been there;
That they get away quickly
Because they made a mistake:
That mistake involves you,
So instead of memories
It's just thoughts
Of how unwanted you are too.
Even though I was mean,
He was still nice to me,
When did I turn out like this?
When are people kind,
When do they really try,
When do they listen to me?
Usually they don't,
He did though
After I was so rude
When he was just a dream come true.
I should have been worshiping him
For messaging me again,
It meant he hadn't forgotten
I existed
That he was trying,
All he did was apologise,
Didn't even use earned excuses.
I should've checked if he was okay.
He phoned me
I don't know why,
I wouldn't have wanted to talk to me,
I didn't pick up until the fifth time.
His voice sounded a mixture of hurt turning to numb,
And tiredness.
Yet I still had the audacity to yell at him,
Saying he's just like all the others,
When he told me he really cares about me,
That he was hoping we could be something more,
I gave him a sarcastic laugh,
Told him I couldn't take anymore roundabouts past lies.
He told me he wasn't trying to mess me around,
He should have called
And he should have replied
But he didn't
And is so sorry.
But I wasn't sorry yet,
I told him to leave me alone again,
When I was the one he should be getting away from.
I acted like he was the monster I feared,
When really the monster didn't exist
And he was trying to save me from it.
I hung up the phone as he was saying my name,
Starting another hurt sentence while wiping that away,
So that he could comfort me.
Throughout my screaming he told me softly that I was upset;
He wants to help me;
And make up for things
It sounded like he wasn't only talking
About what he did.
I haven't spoken to him since.
He's been constantly messaging me,
Hoping for something.
I knew I would wreck Ayrton,
However I didn't think that it would happen this quick.
I hurt him.
YOU ARE READING
Conflicted and...
General Fiction[UPDATES MONDAYS AND THURSDAYS] Enter Kayah, surrounded by thoughts in the seemingly ever present silence, she suffers with social anxiety and a distrust of people - or perhaps a lack of. She's trusted people that ended up leaving her on her own, bu...
