The Girl with a Soul of Insanity (A Sonamy Story)

My True Story

But there's more from that than my brother's words, at school I have a difficult time, during my half years in junior high school and my middle school days in my old school I was the girl who was teased a lot because I'm different from them. They made fun of me too. More negative thoughts have come flooding in my mind.

In case you didn't know I live in the Philippines so I'm half Filipino and half Spaniard so everyone in my school speaks Tagalog. But they an English speaking policy which mostly around 95% of the student population always speaks Tagalog, and I'm the 5% that speaks English fluently thanks to the English education shows I've been watching as a child.

Anyway they made fun of me cause I speak in English not in Tagalog. Like I'm an easy target for them. They would use me, play bad jokes on me, they would even use me for their selfish needs like I was their servant. I can't even stand up for myself and I can't even tell my family about this

When I was grade 5. A grade 6 student was "crying" and hiding his face with his arms for something I did, I don't know what and some of his classmates got along with it including mine. I began apologizing but he continues and continues until he said "joking." With a smile face. Some of his friends laugh including on of my classmates. But for me that was just plain awful and I began crying, everyone said their sorry for laughing at me even the boy who pulled a horrible joke on me.

Now in my junior high school days it has gone worse, new bullies picked on me everyday, more teasing, more jokes on me. It was horrible.

In my school there's only two classrooms per level so it's always a gamble of who's gonna be in the same or different classmates, I still remember there's this one boy who's my classmate in the 8th grade, he's been bullying me cause I always speak in English, sometimes he has friends who keeps asking me to do stuff for them like buying food for them, do an embarrassing dance, etc. it really felt that I am nothing than a puppet, the boy who bullied me also tried flirting with me in the 9th grade, but his words disgust me and it started to make me cry in tears.

I wanna know why I've been his target? I tried everything to stop him, I tried ignoring him, I tried countering him, I even told him off a few times to the guidance, homeroom teacher, and even to my mom, he said to them he won't do it again but... He keeps on doing it again. I can't even fight back cause I don't wanna get in trouble and I am a weak person who never has self-confidence, no matter how many times I wanna fight back but I can't.

When I passed the 9th grade it was during my summer vacation around 5 months ago, I was hiding my face with a happy masks around my family but on the inside I felt the dark thoughts right behind me. It made me scared about my new school year, new bullies, old bullies, and many more teasing.

I used to be a happy child but thanks to the bullying I've began having depression. My mom would always ask me "what's wrong?" But to let her not worry about me I just say the same thing. "I'm Fine."

My depression has gotten worse when it reached May. More doubts and anxiety comes in my mind. My happy memories began to be a blur in my mind and the sad and doubting memories came back in me like a boomerang no matter how much I throw it, it'll always come back.

I can't even remember when I was happy, I stop writing stories for a while cause of my depression, even from last year on April 2016 when my grandmother passed away, I already have more darker thoughts than before that my only grand parent from my parents are gone. It was rough to have no grandparent to keep you support.

My depression has made me feel like I don't deserve to be here, I don't deserve to belong, I don't deserve to it, so I need to end it and I won't forget that day. Mid-May when I was in the kitchen alone, and found the kitchen scissors. Yes, that's right I decided to commit suicide. In my mind that this is the only way to get rid of my problem. As I held the scissors close to me as more thoughts came flooding in my head.