D U S K ✔

Chapter Thirty-Two

"I just need to speak to her for a moment." Adam interjected, his face a void of all emotion.

  I reassured Theresa, throwing her a quick smile. She took it as a good sign and barrelled out of the room just as Adam's tattooed hand wrapped across my upper arm. Positioning me at his side.

The moment the door closed, he dropped his hand, silently, taking a wide step back.

I missed the warmth immediately.

Before he could speak and before I even knew what I was doing, I launched myself at him. Every emotion that was building up came spilling out, as I wrapped my arms around him. He was shocked at first, freezing up momentarily, yet giving me enough time to rethink my horrible decision. 

  But before the humiliation could set in and for me to move away, cross state borders and change my name, he returned the hug.

  His grip was tight, his upper arms almost covered the entirety of my face and I found myself completely engulfed within the cologne radiating from his chest. I was surrounded in an oddly comforting pit of darkness. And for the most part, I was enjoying it.

  We stood in silence, my mind filled with the sound of his calming heartbeat, pounding next to my ears. 

  "It was an accident." I began, but hearing the muffled words spill out of my mouth only froze him once more. "It was a mistake, a stupid mistake--"

  He yanked himself away from me, as if I burned him to the touch, "A mistake!" He shouted, "An accident?" Adam stormed up to me, backing me into a wall, "Thank the Lord it was only a fucking mistake! Thank fuck it was only a fucking accident. Glad no one got hurt, so glad it wasn't anything serious." 

  I shook my head, feeling guilt blister at my side. "I didn't mean it like--"

  "Didn't mean it like what? Like it was nothing? Because I didn't just take a life, because I didn't just kill my own best friend. Don't try and down-play this like it's some sort of fucking game! No one gets hurt in mistakes, mistakes are fixable. A mistake is when you leave the toilet seat up, or you lose your keys, say the wrong thing at the wrong time. A mistake isn't getting into a car knowing fully well that you shouldn't be driving and doing it anyway. That's not a mistake, it's a fucking choice."

  "You try so hard to paint me as this good guy, the kind of guy that saves kittens from trees and helps old ladies cross the road, does endless shit for charity! But I'm not. When are you going to get it into your head that I'm bad news. I went to Juvie for fuck sake! That rings most alarm bells in normal people," He pauses to take a breath, staring at my scared face. My hands were trembling slightly but I wouldn't let him see them and pushed the to my side. "But not you."

  I stared down at the ground, fighting away tears, trying to have calm even breaths so I wouldn't seem as deflated as I felt.

  "But not you." He repeated, his voice suddenly whispering. "You've stayed with me, even when I went all Exorcist at the Diner, even when I kept pushing you away again and again, even when I got absolutely fucked out of my mind. You were there."

  He stayed silent for a moment and I kept my head down. 

  "I'm not a good guy, Gabrielle." He started again, hesitating before speaking, "I lied to you."

  That caught my attention, flinging my head up, my heartbeat increased dramatically. "What do you mean?" 

  "I'm just as bad as Romano, and I've been lying to you." 

  "I don't understand?"

  He threw me a look, "I met Everett Romano for the first time when I was in Juvie, he found me almost about to fight this other inmate, I don't remember a lot from back then, I was a really angry kid. Anyways, Everett took my under his wing, and I didn't mind. Everyone knew he was bad fucking news and I thought it would be a bit of a laugh. Romano liked my anger, he taught me how to fight, I was better than most. And soon enough, I was one of his goons."

  I pushed my back against the wall further, trying to take in all this information. 

  "I knew Everett way before I saw him stab the guy. And I wasn't watching from afar, I wasn't hidden away like some wimp. I beat the sad fucker until he was on the ground, that's when Everett came up and stabbed him. I stood at the sidelines and watched as that boy got stabbed."

  His face was almost touching mine, tauntingly close. "You still think I'm the good guy?"

  "How could you know that was going to happen? You couldn't have realised what you were doing. You're not a bad guy, Adam. And I won't stop 'painting' you as it until you start believing it. You've made some awful choices! But they're in the past and I don't think for one second that you're still the same person you were those years ago."

  "You're right." He looked down to the ground, his voice deep and muffled. "I chose to get in that car, I chose to go off with Everett. It's my own choices keeping me awake at night, hoping to hear those fucking stones again." He moved dangerously close, "It's my own stupid choices that's putting everyone I care about in danger."