♤ ı [0] Awaiting the Everlasting

ı 09 ı 1864 {2}

"No," I whisper, running towards her.

I fall to the ground beside her, holding her head in my hand as I cradle her body against my chest. Her eyes are closed and her heart is still, her skin feeling cold even to me.

There's a blood stain on her royal blue dress, right near her heart. She was murdered in the dead of night, her life taken away from her so innocently. I should have been there. She needed me and I was not there. I have failed her, and I know that there will be a deep aching hole in my chest for as long as I live. Returning to Mystic Falls was supposed to save me, but now it has only torn me apart. I've gotten over grief in past years, but I know this one is different. This is a death that will haunt me for centuries.

"Blair, I'm so sorry," I whisper shakily, resting my chin on her head while wrapping my arms around her still body, pulling her close. "I'm so, so sorry," I repeat again and again, feeling hot, salty tears spill down my cheeks.

For the first time in centuries, I cry. My heart beats faster as more tears fall, my body not use to this feeling as if crying is a foreign action. I never thought the day would come where I would cry so hard for someone. I don't think I even cried this hard when my mother died.

"James," Elijah speaks from behind me, watching me break down.

"Who did this?" I demand while still holding Blair to my chest. "Tell me," I snap suddenly, turning my head to stare at him through my glassy vision, blurred by tears.

"It was Katherine," he says bluntly, not meeting my eye.

"James, there's something you should know." Elijah clears his throat. "She fed Blair her blood, but I got here too late to stop it. I-I'm so sorry."

It takes a moment for his words to register in my brain. I stop crying, wiping my eyes dry with my sleeve as I organize my thoughts. Although I know it's selfish, I can't help but feel relieved that I'll be seeing Blair's icy blue eyes again, hear her voice. At the same time I feel incredibly guilty, like I've taken away her choice. I know she doesn't want to be a vampire, and I never wanted this for her. I know that when it comes down to it, she'll have to choose and there's nothing I'll be able to do about it.

I realize this must be what Klaus was thinking when he turned me and Lexi. He let his selfish desires rule him to force us to turn, wanting to keep us as his friends forever. Although in this case, I will give Blair a choice if she wants to be a vampire. I will absolutely not force anything upon her, as this was her life, and she should have a say in how it ends.

"James-,"

"Thank you for alerting me Elijah, but I just need some time alone," I cut him off rather harshly, not meeting his eye.

"Klaus, he's in town," Elijah says, warning me.

"I know," I comment. I figured Klaus would be in town, as chaos and pain usually erupt wherever he appears. I can't help but think he had something to do with this. Maybe he compelled Katherine to do this. Maybe Elijah is lying and Klaus really did do this to Blair. All I know is that I want to be alone with Blair. I want my face to be the first one she sees when she wakes.

"Now please, go." I finally turn to look at Elijah, pleading with him.

He only stares at me for a long few seconds, his own eyes sparking with tears and shock. He quickly sends me a nod and turns around before sprinting away.

∆ ∆ ∆

I closed my eyes, only hoping to rest them for a moment only to wake up an hour or so later, jolting myself awake to the sound of a faint heart beat.