Fifty Shades of Darker SED

Part 1

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And that's the sad part. One more time eventually turned into two more times. And two more times turned into three more times. It just kept happening over and over and over again. Unfortunately, I let it happen and Matt found out.

After nine months of being cheated on, he finally found out. And he killed him self. He overdosed on pain killers and left this earth with the feeling that he wasn't good enough. He was so in love with Paul, I knew that. And I let Paul cheat with someone who has no feelings for him what so ever. I should have been more considerate since I was also cheated on by someone I was in love with. And to this day, I still think about it sometimes, how he did my wrong. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about what I did. On my birthday I should have said no, I should have made him leave.

Paul and I no longer talk, it was too much for me to even look at him afterwards. He didn't even care that Matt took his own life. I on the other hand, attended his funeral, but I stood in the back of the room, drinking. I will never forgive myself for not stopping when I had the chance to.

Other than that, these last two years have gone by really fast. Album three was released, and had went platinum four times. I live by myself in an apartment in downtown London and I helped Tiffany move back here with her boyfriend, Jared. They live down the street. I've gone back to my habits of drinking and going to either the pub or club every night.

I've changed a lot. I used to love it when a fan asked me for a picture or an autograph. Now I find it annoying. I no longer care what people think of me and I've become a much less compassionate person. I'm not going to take bullshit from anyone.

After the big breakup, I started hitting the gym more often and I started smoking again. Weed was even thrown into the mix. Before and after shows I would hit the gym and then smoke to relieve stress and unleash anger. I would act tough and strong during the day and cry myself to sleep at night. Sometimes, I wouldn't eat. I lost more weight, and people were starting rumors about me being anorexic. Which is not true.

Ed's POV:

It's been two years. Two long, miserable years. I haven't forgiven myself for what I did. I've attempt suicide eight times in the last two years. Each time it was Stuart who stopped me. I live with him in a flat I bought in London, and he's always keeping an eye on me.

After my second suicide attempt, Stuart made me go to the doctors. They prescribed me some anti-depressants that I hardly take. Stuart also made me go to therapy. I only go to therapy when I feel like talking, which lately has been almost never. Stu gets really upset with me when he asks me if I've taken my meds and I shake my head 'no' or when he asks if I've gone to therapy and I don't answer.

"Earth to Ed?" Stuart said, waving his hand in my face. "I've said your name like four times. Are you going to eat, or are you going to just sit there and daydream."

"I'm not hungry." I mumble, looking down at my untouched plate of food.

He sighed, "Ed, you can't keep doing this. You need to eat or you're going to get really sick. Look at you. You're already skinny enough." He paused. "You can't keep beating yourself up like this."

"What am I supposed to do?" I wanted to cry. "I can't stop thinking about what I did. For two years, it's been eating me alive. I promised him I would never hurt him. I can't live with the guilt anymore."

"When is the last time you took your meds?" He asked, sounding a little mad. I didn't answer him. "You need to go take them now." He raised his voice at me and I just sat there. "Fine, I'll go get them."

He walked out of the room and I got up and went to the kitchen counter. I looked for something sharp. I searched through cupboards frantically. And then I noticed all of the knives on top of the fridge. I reached up as far as I could, standing on my toes and I managed to grab ahold of one. I brought it down and instantly put it parallel to my left wrist. I just stood there with it against my arm, with my eyes closed. My mind was running wild, as I thought real hard  about it.

"Ed!?!" Stuart yelled.

His voice startled me, and the sharp blade sliced through my skin when I jumped. "Shit." He mumbled, setting my meds on the table. He grabbed a nearby dish towel and wrapped it around my arm to stop the blood that was flowing down it. "How many times are you going to try and kill yourself before you realize that it's not going to work?"

"I actually didn't mean to do this. I was thinking about it and you scared me." I say calmly.

He shook his head... "looks like another hospital visit. Let's go."

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Okay so after so long... here's Part 1 of the sequel. It's quite depressing. I don't know who frequent updates will be so bare with me. #unedited I hope you like it so far.

-tiff