I Love You ✅

Dear mum, I love you.

Birds chirping, sun bright. Not a cloud in the sky. Honestly, as I walked to the slightly misted window I thought that today would be a good day. Today would be the best day.

Yet Mum, as I am now aware. The skies were a false sense of security- like the 'beware of the dog' sign next door. We all know the woman is terrified of the world and that yapping is but a lap dog.

A smile had etched it's way on to my skin as I thought of tonight. A concert of brilliance about to take place. My favourite artist taking the crowd to a haven.

Instead we were met with the hellish abundance of blood and nails. And hate. So much hate.

Screams. Limbs. Gunpowder.

Scattered like toys in a nursery, I saw you. Parts of you. A barbie doll missing a head. Limbs.

Only seconds previous, glee had plastered my face, itching to ramble about my night. The night where I felt over the moon. The night where I felt carefree and like a young child again. Our infrequent but painful arguments suddenly forgotten, our current disagreements blown away.

It eats me alive that I refused to hug you, I refused to tell you I loved you. The fact I argued with you the night before. I don't even remember what it was about. I think after the concert I was planning on hugging you. Telling you I appreciated you. But no. You never heard me. You will never hear me.

22 dead. 69 injured, I think. I can't bear to listen to the radio mum. I can't do it.

22nd of May. Two thousand and seventeen.  That was the day you died. Life moves on for others. Not for you, but my friends still make the same stupid jokes. The concert has even become the butt of a joke. And people still go to work, I still go to school.

For you mum, for your heart that I saw pierced by the nails. I love you. I will always bloody love you. And I won't look back in anger.

I will thrive in your memory.

Love,

Your daughter.