Float Away

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"I know it's just the human condition
Older than the oldest tradition.."

I move rapidly yet gracefully to the music, blurring out the big audience as I dance. I let the loud music take me off, becoming one with the choreography almost.

My passion for dance has been the one thing keeping me going. I've loved it for so long, and I've been taking lessons since I was 5.

This was my favorite performance, I danced with real passion. For a girl who just turned 16 at the time, I was damn good.

The video paused automatically when the notification popped up.

"Kalle would like to FaceTime"

I answer almost immediately, smiling widely.

"Please don't tell me you were watching that dance video again babes, you know how that makes you feel.." she sighed, propping herself up with a pillow, her salty blonde hair falling over her face, but she doesn't move it. "Its been a year since your mom uploaded it..." I couldn't form a sentence, I looked down at my hands, twiddling them nervously.

"I'm going to miss you.." I cracked out, tears falling down my face already. Goddamn I'm such a pussy.

"Jesus don't start with the water works I'm going to start too.. but fuck I'll miss you too. We both know this is what's best for you. This place will help you." She said, eyes tearing up as she stared at me in the camera. She was right, everyone said this was my last hope, my last chance at becoming healthy. I was reluctant at first, refusing to leave Carlton High and my friends.. Er, friend.

"Thank you, for sticking with me.. for visiting me when everyone else stopped.. I'm just really appreciative.." I said quietly, shaking as I tried to stop crying.

She smiled, wiping her tears from her jacket, she sighed "I'm just.. I'm so scared to lose you.. to lose my best friend. You're too damn young to die, I don't want to bury my best friend.. not yet. Please Maddie, please get better." She looked away from the camera, sighing deeper as she tried to control herself.

I heard a knock on my door, and I paused the FaceTime immediately.

"Maddie we need to weigh you, before we leave." My mom said as she peaked around the door, she closed it immediately.

I unpaused it, "sorry Kalle I need to go.." I said blankly, trying not to cry again. She looked up from her phone and put it on her bed, looking at me.

"I going to visit you weekly, to keep you up to date with gossip. And if you can call me when you get there, so I can get their number so I can call you from now on. We cannot let this die out, I fuckin love you too much to just throw it away." She said in one big breath, as if she was holding back near tears. I smiled, I felt appreciated, I don't deserve her.

"Pinky promise?" I said simply, holding my finger to the screen, she held hers too and we pretended to join pinkies.

"I guess this is goodbye huh.. well for at least the next couple of months.. hopefully." I said, looking down, because I knew if I locked eyes with her again that I'd burst out into tears.

"I love ya Maddie bug." She said, smiling. I looked up at her and saw a tear roll down her cheek before I ended the call.

I closed my laptop, still shaky, but I'm shaky 24/7. I put it back on my desk, along with my phone. Leaving these behind will be rough. I knew my mom was waiting for me in our bathroom, so I just immediately went over there.

"Lets get this over with okay?" I said in a monotone voice, taking off my sweatpants and sweatshirt. I stepped on our scale, tying my hair into a bun as I looked straight at the tile. I heard my mom audibly gasp, but she always did. She took a couple pictures for the doctor and wrote down my weight. I finally gathered the courage to look at the scale.

92 lbs

I turned blankly to look at my mom, who just stood there, examining me.

"You know this isn't beautiful right?? Do you know how bad you've gotten?? You're disappearing on me Madeline! I cant loose my only daughter yet!" She almost yelled, I flinched slightly as she came towards me, shaking me. The ringing in my ears became louder but I knew she was still yelling. I stumbled back to the corner, and then my brother bursts through the door. I saw him take our mother, holding her and trying to calm her down outside of the bathroom. I sank into the floor, staring. I cried but only for a short while, picking myself back up and putting my clothes back on. I bent over, placing my thumb and index fingers around my left thigh, stretching them too touch. I still had about 3 inches in between them..

"Mom, would like to apologize.. but she needs to stay in her room, she wanted to be alone." I heard Miles exhale, I looked at him, I never understood how we were twins. Only our eyes are similar. He bit his lip, he wanted to say something but he didn't, instead he pulled me into him. His hugs always engulfed me, I felt safe when he did. I broke down, we both sunk to the floor again, he just held me as I cried.

"I'm scared Miles.. I'm scared to be leaving you and mom, leaving Kalle.. I'm scared of that treatment center.." I muffled from his shirt, too embarrassed to lift my head up. He just held me, with the occasional shush and 'I know's.

I guess the only way too make progress is to move on to new things.