Surviving Cancer

Sunday, December 24

"I can't believe he didn't tell me, I can't believe neither of them told me." I could feel tears spring into my eyes but I was too angry to let the hurt come out as tears. "Why do I never get a say in anything?"

My mom reached out to touch my balled up fist.

"Calm down."

"No!" I shouted. "They're selfish and I hate them!"

In the deepest part of my brain I knew I sounded like an immature baby. I also didn't hate Levi or my dad. But I was hurt. And confused maybe more so than hurt.

"Macin, stop." My moms voice was stern as she stood from my bed. She paced away, folding her arms around herself. "I understand you're hurt. And yes maybe your dad should have told you both. But he loves you and he's only ever tried to do what he thought was best for you." She turned to look at me. I suddenly felt very small and very young. "Now I don't much about Eric but I know that he wasn't a great guy. I also know it scared the crap out of your dad when Eric tried to get custody of you and Levi. So much so he barely could tell me about when we were dating without crying. So if you're going to be angry, go ahead and be angry at Jennifer or Eric, Levi even me. But if you're angry at your dad, that anger is misplaced."

I stared wide eyed at my mom. She had never really chastised me before. I had never really done anything worth being chastised for.

"I have more to get from the car." She told me, leaving my room.

I sank into my pillows. I felt deflated.

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LEVI POV

I rolled over in bed, groping blindly for the bottle of Motrin on my nightstand. My hand hit the bottle of pills, they clinked around in the bottle as it fell over and rolled. My eyes snapped open, my hand fumbling for the bottle before it rolled out of my reach, forcing me out of bed. I snatched it just before it fell between the wall and my nightstand. I felt relief wash over me.

I popped a couple in my mouth, washing them down with some water beside my bed. I was having some headaches, a little nausea the day after I donated but mostly I was just tired. I hadn't done much of anything since I got home after the procedure and even though staying in bed for the third day sounded awesome it was Christmas. That and Maci had stopped responding to my texts yesterday. She was pretty slow at responding but she always responded. Which was why I had to know what made her stop.

I found my phone tangled in my sheets and unlocked it. Maci still hadn't  responded. I had Merry Christmas texts from Emma, Greg, and Mitch. Mitch pushed his visit back until our mid-winter break. Tickets were cheaper plus Maci was supposed to be out of the hospital then. I took a minute to text each of them back when my dad knocked on my door.

"Come in." I said, my fingers tapping against the phone screen.

"Merry Christmas." He stood in the doorway, his hair sticking up at all ends like he too had just woken up.

"Merry Christmas back."

"How are you feeling?" He leaned against the doorway, his arms shoved into the pockets of his sweatpants.

I sat my phone down, running my hands over my bald head. "I'm okay, tired, headache, nothing crazy though."

"Good. I'm going to make some breakfast and then let's get over to the hospital." He said.

"Okay."

He left, heading toward the kitchen I assumed. I picked my phone back up, opening Maci's text conversation.