amusement park ♡ soonchan

.:14

I've been hurt many times within the past couple months. One of my best friends almost died, and Chan, someone I don't even know how to describe anymore, left me. Getting through this time has been Hell, but I managed to persevere against all odds. I thought that I was finally crawling out of this gloomy and dismal hole of anguish. However, seeing Jeonghan's car drive off after saying goodbye to the one person I wanted to be with, it hurt the most. And with all the emotions I'd dealt with that night, I broke down. My knees gave out, and I fell down in a fit of sobs that rocked my body every time I tried to draw in air.

Seungcheol immediately came to my side, lovingly wrapping his arms around me and helping me inside to his cold apartment. I opened up to him with everything: Chan's story, deciding what to do about it, and then saying goodbye.

"Are you sure you couldn't have made it work?" he asked me.

"I'm sure. We can't call or text or write, we can't visit each other, and school is starting. Even if I did decide to wait, how do I know that we won't meet anyone in school that steals our hearts or something?"

"If you guys are serious about your feelings for one another, then you wouldn't even look at anyone else."

"Seungcheol, I wouldn't have any contact with him for ten months."

"Then it's a good way to test if he's serious about you," Seungcheol pressed.

"And if he isn't? Then I would have waited for nothing, and I would be heartbroken all over again. Besides, it's too late anyway," I hopelessly sighed.

"Is it? I mean, Jeonghan and I agreed to keep in touch as friends. He's not too crazy about the distance, and since we're going into college, we want to see other people, at least for now. But you and I could go to Jeonghan's house for a weekend every so often and Chan could come over and see you. Maybe then you could pass notes to each other in another language and Chan could say he has a pen pal in some other country. It might be a stretch, but if you really want him..." Seungcheol explained.

When I was silent he asked, "...Do you? Do you want him?"

It was a lot to process for me. I was still aching because of our goodbye, and Seungcheol telling me that there's still a chance for us made my chest constrict. My mind was racing, and I rubbed my temples in hopes to ease it. I wanted Chan, but I was paranoid of getting my heart broken. But I had already made up my mind. I wasn't going to let myself get hurt anymore. I could only vision him losing his feelings for me and going and loving someone else, while I'm back here, saving myself for him. I've only known him for a short time. Maybe if I lie to myself enough, I'll eventually convince myself that I don't want him.

"No," I stated. "I don't want him."

I could tell Seungcheol wanted to say something, but for once, he held back. And he hugged me, and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I felt safe and secure in my friend's arms.

"Let's go for a drive," he proposed. I sniffled and nodded in agreement, wiping my nose with my sleeve. He helped me back to my feet while I gained my balance, then he swiped the car keys from the counter and we descended the stone steps to the parking lot.

In the car, I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around them, trying to hold back tears. I was shivering, so I rolled down the glass window and felt the hot summer air blast on my sun-kissed skin. Seungcheol also opened the sunroof, and I laid down to gaze through it. Minuscule, sparkling stars dotted the cloudless, midnight black sky. Soft, calm music was playing on the radio, aiding me in relaxing my tense muscles. My mind wandered around my conflicting feelings for Chan for the entire time.

I felt the car turn and slow down, signaling we were stopping. Bright lights flooded the car, and I inspected my surroundings to conclude we were at a gas station, right next to a pump. I checked the time on my phone, and noticed it was almost one in the morning.