Difficult

One

'Thoughts'

This thing again

Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries, if I did, Katherine would have everything she could have ever wished for. Except maybe Stefan, I don't really like Stefan.

-

Now that she has a Savior, she can keep her head most of the time.

The cold hasn't come back since that first time, and if she ever feels it creeping up on her she calls her Savior and she can pull her out of it.

Usually.

Right now, that isn't the case.

.

If she strains herself she is able to hear, very faintly, her Savior talking on the phone. But her grip on words is slipping, and she can't focus enough to understand what is being said.

Pain Longing Loss Hurt Regret Betrayal.

She whimpers, her hands flying to her ears to try to block it out.

Gone. Alone Lost Drowning. your fault your fault your fault-

STOP!

They won't listen to her. They keep assaulting her from all sides. It hurts.

They're gone.

She cries. Weeps.

All gone. Bonnie and Caroline and Matt and Tyler and Jeremy and Stefan and Damon and-

.

.

.

There are arms around her. Rocking. Back and forth, back and forth. She looks up in surprise. She hadn't heard her Savior hanging up.

"It's okay." She murmurs soothingly. "It's okay to cry."

She sobs, harder, her entire body shaking. Her Savior keeps holding her.

But it's not enough.

She can't keep doing this.

Can't pretend it's alright when she's falling apart at the seams. She can't even go through the day without breaking down into sobs, whenever she spots something that reminds her of Before.

She needs more than this. She needs safety. She needs stability. She needs-

Damon

Damon  Damon  Damon

Damon is safe. Damon is her rock. Damon is-

"-here Lena, I'm here."

Here-and-now and hers. She can feel it. And it feels so good.

Warm and loved and cared for.

This whole time, she's been afraid, uncertain.

There was nothing holding her down. Nothing for her to cling on to.

Now there could be.

"That's right. There you go, you're doing so good Lena, come back to us."

Her breaths are coming in easier now. Her vision starts to clear, and she no longer feels the cold clawing at her insides.

"It's alright, we've got you. Come on, Elena."

They're still holding her. Her Savior (Liv, she remembers now) and Damon. Supporting her, anchoring her. And with a start she realizes what he is.

Anchor.

.

"Back to us?" Liv asks, tightening her hold on the brunette by just a little.

She nods, her mind getting used to words again.

"Y-yeah, yes." She reaffirms, more to herself than anyone.

"That's- that's good, yeah." Liv mutters, breathless. "Okay then..."

Elena starts to feel antsy.

They stay like that for another minute, but something's changed in the air. Damon still hasn't said a word.

Abruptly, he pushes away from them.

"What the hell was that?"

Elena shrinks in on herself, and she can feel Liv squeezing her tighter.

"What was what?" She asks, meeting his eyes over Elena's head. The other girl burrows her face into her Savior's neck, hiding.

Damon bristles at that, and the unconscious reaction coming from himself seems to fuel his anger.

"That." He spits out, gesturing vaguely. "What is that? Why do I- why do I feel like this?"

They don't bother asking what he means. There aren't any words for it. Just like there are no words for what he is asking.

Liv sighs, opening her arms and letting Elena back out of her grip. Out of the two of them, it's obvious which one has more experience with this, but Elena still looks a bit shaken, and they don't see as much as feel Damon soften slightly at the clear distress on her face.

He works to harden his features, the involuntary, almost automatic rhythm of which he's falling into with the other two terrifies him, as does the feeling in his chest that screams at him to protect. But now is not the time. He needs answers.

"You might want to sit down for this." Liv warns.

-

So. That was something. 

You know how I said I had no idea what I was doing? Yeah. Well I promise the next chapter will make more sense, as in it will be less weird italic thingies and more story-telling, but I promise the breakdowns aren't over yet.

Also, it's probably not going to explain anything that happened here. Probably. 

Like I said, I'm writing this during english class, I literally finished this today.

It'll make sense. Eventually. I hope.

Also spacing is like, really hard. I'm trying to describe the pauses between each sentence with skipping lines and I'm not sure it's working too well.

Again, no idea when there'll be a new part, just that there will be one. Hopefully.