May be triggering towards the end!
My eyes clench shut as the outside light shines through the windows of my room. The unwelcome rays of sunshine attack my closed lids, waking me. As I slowly pry open my eyes, I look across at my bedside clock. 7:59. Just in time for my alarm. The beep only has a moment before I cut it off with a press of a button. I slide out of bed reluctantly and run to the bathroom. Shivering while turning on the shower, I then start to strip down my pyjamas. Test the water with my hands, I decide the temperature is right and I step in embracing the heat.
I really don't want to go to school today, well I never want to go to school. It's them. I hate what they do to me. It's either verbal or physical I hate it. As if I don't have enough things haunting my dreams. I shudder at the sheer thought of my nightmares.
After washing my hair and body, I slide out of the shower careful not to slip on the tile floor. I dry myself with the towel. I throw on some underwear and look up at myself through the mirror. I grimace at the sight of me. My hair, black and limp. My jade eyes clouded from pain, grief. My face bent awkwardly around the bone, the skin pale and tear stained from crying. My lips, thin and chapped. My eyes keep crawling over my body. I touch my stomach. I hate it. It's too big. I run my hand up and down my ribs, which are clearly visible, but they don't show enough, I'm still too big. My vision flashes back up to my reflected eyes. Tears cover the orbs. I look away and let the tears fall. I do this to myself everyday to remind myself of the truth. My fingers lightly trace the events of last night on my arms. I remember the feel of the metal on my skin, cold meets warmth.
I'm snapped out of my vicious thoughts by a gentle knock on the door.
"Jade sweetheart, are you up?" I wipe my eyes and clear the lump from my throat.
"Yeah" I rush around looking for my clothes. I reach for my shirt just as the sun hits my eyes. I can't wear a sleeved top when its warm I'll look even more like the freak I am. I sigh and put on my jeans and t-shirt, making sure I put as many bracelets on my wrists as I can. I walk downstairs to the smell of pancakes and my stomach aches. The pain is horrible but nothing I'm not used to. I hurry down the rest of the steps attempting to avoid Michael and Anna, my foster parents. They're barely ever here, normally working late, it's only the mornings I see them and to be honest that's enough.
I get to the door and turn the knob right as they call me.
"Jade sweetie, come here please we have some good news for you!"
Sighing I trudge to the kitchen with my bag dragging behind me. I raise my eyebrows as a way of saying I'm listening.
"Well.." Anna starts. She stays quiet for a few moments before she continues excitedly. I'm pregnant! I went to the doctors yesterday turns out I'm a few months gone and its going to be a boy! You're going to have a baby brother!!" She cuddles into Michael and I plaster a fake smile.
"T-that's fantastic, I'm happy for you but I-I have to go to school. Bye" I stutter before rushing out of the house.
Out in the fresh air, I take a deep breath and hold the tears in. It's these moments when I remember my real family. My real mum. I never new my father he left before I was even born, but my mum. Layla. She was the sweetest most loving person I knew. Her black hair identical to mine but her eyes were crystal blue. We used to laugh and tell each other everything. When she found John I was so happy for her. I had never seen her so smiley and cheerful. She told me she was pregnant with a boy just like Anna did. I was 8 and ecstatic to have a baby brother to look after and play with. Everything was perfect until a few years later when the drinking started. I was 10 and Fin was 2 the first time it happened. My mum told me to take fin up to bed like many nights but this time while I was upstairs I heard it. The smash of glass. I ran down and saw John holding mum to the wall by her throat. I ran upstairs but ignored everything. It all happened 6 months after. John was driving with us in the car but he had been drinking. My mum was screaming telling him to pull over but he wouldn't listen. He ran a red light and all I remember after that was waking in the hospital to be told no one survived. My whole family, gone. I've lived with Anna and Michael ever since. I'm 14 now and I'm still haunted by the accident and.. the incident. I can't even think of the incident without having a panic attack.
