What I Can't Tell You

the end in the beginning

VINSTEN : LUCKIEST GIRL

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This book is under the terms of  Copyright © 2017. If you do not know that that entails, I suggest you do some research before you try to copy any of my writing. The punishment will be dire. 

Also, thank you for choosing to read my book (or the beginning of one to come) I'm excited to be hearing any and all of your opinions, so please comment! 

A tip is to take some time to listen to the music put above every chapter, it sets the mood. I've been really careful with the choices. 

Each chapter's length will very. Some can be short, others long.

The focus of this book is NOT the love story. It's brutally honest, sharp and does not beat around the bush when it comes to sensitive topics. I don't want to trigger anyone.

You have been warned. 

In bold writing. 

ThankQ 

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the end in the beginning

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| JACK |

I'm scared shitless standing in the middle of a low-lit road, feet in a puddle of mud and rain. Anxiety is weighing on me. My worst enemy, lifelong nemesis. The Joker to my Batman. My chest is heavy. I can barely breath. It's all manual now.

   Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

   When I was younger I used to think the only power a person has over their death is whether they want to become dust or bones. Both of which are true but none the truth.

   You have one more option. A secret power, if you will. A power no one's supposed to use. You can cheat fate, beat death at its own game. Do it yourself.

   Suicide.

   Dun dun dun.

   I'm going to do it. That's why I'm standing here, on the stripes of a highway. Waiting for someone to run me over. 

   My thoughts have turned into one big soggy mess in my brain. Slimy glue that's short-circuiting the wires, interfering with the system. It's impossible to think rationally right now.

   The neon traffic lights keep detecting movement, shifting back and forth. The red and green men fighting for the spotlight.

   A yellow cat is strutting over the road in front of me. I know it's silly, but I play with the thought that it might've come here with the same idea as me. Maybe we'll die together. That's oddly comforting.

   I'm shaking with adrenalin. This is it. In a few moments, I'll be joining the dead flies on someone's windshield. Another few moments and the driver will scream, realizing they've hit a person with their car, knowing they'll never be the same. The blood will be removed by the wind shield wiper, pushing it back and forward on the glass until it has wiped away any evidence of human leftovers.

   Now, through teary eyes and a blurred vision, I see the lights of a car coming towards me to my right, speeding forward unknowingly. 

   I feel as though it isn't moving fast at all, but in reality, I'm sure it's moving way over the speed limit. It moves so slowly in my head that I nearly change my mind and step off the road.

   I always thought my life would flash before my eyes before I die, but it doesn't. Time's just fleeting by slowly. I can't seem to think about much more than what I can see.

   The empty streets surrounding me. The flickering glow from a broken streetlight shining creepily, like in a horror movie right before a character is brutally murdered. Funnily enough, I see the scrawny cat strutting its way over to the ditch, almost sending a gloomy look my way, as though he knows what I'm about to do and feels sorry for me.

   The headlights are coming closer, the car is moments away now. It's far too late to change my mind.

   A voice in the back of my head ask, any last words?

   'Goodbye cruel world?' 'See you in hell?' 'Shit, I don't have insurance.'

   No, I know now what it has to be. 'This will be legend – wait for it...' and then it'll just happen, and the world will have to wait forever.

   But, unfortunately, I don't have the time to utter an entire phrase.

   So, I have to settle with, "Fuck."

   It doesn't sound like my own voice when the word comes out of my mouth. 

   Classy.

   No time to think of some other last words because I can see it clearly now. The car. I don't think the driver has noticed me yet, but I wish I could tell them how sorry I am. You know, for being selfish and all. For ruining their life forever. I hope they'll hate me. Curse me, spit on my grave. God knows I deserve it.

   I squeeze my eyes shut. Any second now the car should make contact with my body and thus end my life.

   I can see the tabloids before me and it'll sure make for some gruesome headlines.

   I hear the sound of tires screeching. They've seen me now. I get ready for impact. Hopefully it doesn't hurt for long.

Dear God, what have I done?

   The air has shifted. It's as though all the noise in the entire world has stopped for a moment. Mother nature's watching with anticipation. What's left is a horrible crashing sound, my own screaming, and what will soon be a body colliding with metal. 

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ThankQ