All the Little Children Need to Come Home

Chapter One: The First Day

As they drove through the quiet morning north on I -95, Alice sat leaning forward, hands folded, rocking back and forth. Neither spoke as they made the simple trip that seemed like a thousand miles.

They were escorted to the emergency room where her son lay on a gurney, neck in a brace, a bloody gash on his forehead. Ben went to the doctors as Alice went to her son. She picked back strands of hair from the gash and took his hand. She showed no fear, as she smiled down at him and softly said, "I'm here, Todd."

"I'm sorry, Mom," he had said, and she whispered to him the words that she would believe through the next two years.

"Everything's going to be fine."

She looked at the Xrays of his upper cervical spine as the doctor explained that his injuries had stopped just short of severing his upper vertebrae. She looked at the doctor and said, "I don't know if you believe in God or not, but this is a miracle."

She remembered the physician took her hand in both of his, and said with reassurance," I do believe in God and this is a miracle."

Todd had been sent home after four days, but within the next four weeks, he would endure three emergency surgeries. He had developed a hematoma on the brain and the cervical vertebras were collapsing. After one week of being home, he again underwent surgery to clear a staph infection that developed along the scar from where they had opened his skull. Within another few days, he was stabilized enough to come home.

His recovery was slow, but over the next three years, he doggedly pursued getting better. When he felt well enough, he had applied for part time jobs. Because of the effects of the brain injury and having his neck in a brace, he would be let go from each job, but he never gave up. Some people had suggested that he qualify for disability, but he was determined to see if he could just get better through time. His thoughts became clear and the tremors eventually went away.

Alice exhaled quietly as she reached for another coffee mug. Today, Todd not only had two jobs, but he was smiling and happy and hanging out with his friends. She could tell that both his body, mind, and spirit were beginning to heal. She blinked back the tears now as her heart filled with pride at his determination to get better.

Once, months after his accident, he had asked her if he would ever get better. Alice smiled now, as she did then when she gave him her usual response.

"Of course you will. I said everything will be fine." Those simple words spoken had great power because he believed her. Todd had been making plans to finish college, play baseball, and find his future. He was the happiest she had seen, completely at ease with his past, confident in his future.

Everything was perfect.

Smiling, she refilled her mug and poured one for him. The last thing he said to her before he went to bed last night was, "You don't mind getting me up?"

"Nope. Not at all," she had replied, and she smiled back at the peaceful smile he gave her as he left the room. She would never forget that smile. It was so happy and content.

Upstairs, Alice elbowed his door open and turned to the TV, which was on rather loud. That's strange, she thought. He never slept with the TV on. Setting the mugs on the TV stand, she reached for the remote and turned off the TV.

"Todd, your TV is kind of loud. Did you sleep with it that loud?"

 She turned to her son, with a happiness of the day swelling in her heart, ready to see him snuggled on his stomach, leg hanging out, beginning to wake up.

Instead, she saw Todd laying on his back as if he had just sat down and fallen asleep. Her heart stopped. His arms were to his side, his eyes wide open. Her words froze in midair as her mind struggled to comprehend what her heart knew to be true.

In that instant, she felt the air sucked out of the room as she struggled to breathe. She climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around the still warmth of his body. Her mournful wail filled that quiet, happy morning as her tears spilled on his hair and she willed her life to breathe into him, crying out, "What have I done? What did I do for this? God, what have I done?"

 Confusion raced through her mind as she tried to comprehend what she was seeing. She had always promised she would try to be a good person because she never wanted to bury a child. She had seen such pain on other's faces at their loss. She was shocked.  She felt betrayed. This just wasn't fair.

In an instant, without warning, it was not a wonderful day. Alice held her son's lifeless body, still feeling the warmth on his back, and she sobbed uncontrollably.

With her eyes squeezed tightly in prayer and heartbreak, she knew in this moment, that her life had changed forever.