Sweatshirts in July *Solby*

July 1st

31 days 

 The brunette is here again. He hasn't said a word but I know he wants to. I hope he can hold out and keep his mouth shut. His eyes haven't left me either. They feel intrusive. I wish I was dead. Then I wouldn't have to play pretend as the white walls seem to get closer each day. I have plan, I've dreamed about it for days now and it might just work. The escape I need is in my grasp. I just need to have a moment to do it. Soon I will be the artist I dreamed of being, soon I will be able to swirl the crimson color all over the wall making it white no more. Soon. 

Colby knew he should say something. His mom might have tricked him into the job with a measly $150 but now he was sucked in too deep. Something about the thin blonde intrigued him. The blonde's eyes were blue and you had to look really deep inside them in order to see the sadness and pain. The mask the boy wore seemed to be unmovable, he always seemed to look bored and plain faced. Colby wanted to see the raw emotion. He wanted to learn what made the blonde's brain tick like a bomb and why he hid it. He was in a mental hospital, everyone knew something was wrong so why pretend it didn't exist. Colby's mother always came home to gush about how her patients were improving, opening up, all except Samuel Golbach. Countless times Colby had told her to give up on the boy, what was the point of helping someone who refused to be help but his mother always gave him a disappointed sigh and a shake of her head. Colby understood now why she refused. The boy that sat in front of him was a work of art worth living. Sometimes in the hour he had been sitting in the corner of the room Colby saw a ghost of a smile flash across Sam's lips as he wrote furiously in his notebook. That ghost of a smile was proof that he wasn't completely numb, gone, or given up. That ghost of a smile proved to Colby that something was there and he was going to drag it out of the boy whether he liked it or not. Colby grew up with his mom a doctor, he knew talking about it would help. 

 "Take a picture, it would last longer." Sam retorted pulling Colby out of his thoughts, a light blush erupting on Colby's cheeks, "Sorry Golbach I was just lost in a day dream." Colby responded with a slight shake of his head, Sam only rolled his eyes as he put his notebook down to the side of him as he got off the bed for the first time. Colby watched as the boy paced back and forth next the bed, the blonde fiddling with his long gray sweatshirt sleeves. Colby looked down at his own bare arms that seemed to glisten with sweat due to the immense heat that seemed to seep into the building from outside, "What's with the sweatshirt? It's summer." Colby asked, curiosity seeping through. Sam ignored the brunettes comment as he pulled his sleeves down farther to hide his now trembling hand. The sleeves were important, they hid the scars that decorated his arms. It hid his tremors as his head seemed to scream until he painted new thin lines across his limbs. The sleeves were a reminder, always there unlike the day were he heard his parents screams as they saw his artwork. Colby didn't seem to notice the blondes agitation as he just shrugged his shoulders, "Don't want to answer that's cool. Really. But since we are going to be spending a lot of time together why don't I tell you a little about myself." Sam only shrugged his own shoulders, as focused on his pacing and the white floor beneath him. White, white, white, everywhere he looked there was white. Colby only nodded an okay as thought about how to start, 

 "Well I have lived here in Kansas my whole life. I'm an amateur photographer, I just really love being behind the camera you know? I also dream of traveling the world someday. I have always wanted to go to Japan someday." That is what Colby did. He filled the room with small facts, dreams, and his ambitions. He would assume once the words left his mouth that they fell unheard but in fact the blonde pacing boy listened. Colby's voice was soothing, it drowned out the voices in his head. His itching wrists subsided as he focused on Colby's dreams pretending they were his own. He soaked up everything the messy haired kid said as his mind wandered passed the death wishes and self hatred, instead making him imagine what he would of said if he were in Colby's position.  What were Sam Golbach's dreams? Did he even have any? 

 The blonde sighed quietly in frustration as Colby droned on. Sam Golbach's only dream was to die. That is the only thing his brain seemed to tell him. He wanted out of these four white walls, he wanted to understand why his brain worked so differently from others, he wanted to know why the pain on his wrists made him feel so alive and okay. Sam Golbach wanted to know why he was so broken, but the only dream he had, the only answer he had ever seemed to find to those questions was death. 

 "Sam You alright?" Colby pulled the blonde from his thoughts causing him to jump. He realized quickly that his feet was no longer moving, his pacing stopped. He nodded a quick alright as he sat back down on his bed and opened up his journal to a new page quickly he scrawled out all of Colby's sayings in hopes he could find his own. Maybe talking did help. Maybe writing will help too. Sam guessed doctors were right after all. 

 Help was something that came but rarely stayed for Samuel Golbach, his thoughts just waiting to strike again. 

A/N: I had this idea for a while now so I hoped you liked this! Also I will update New Kid tomorrow! So keep an eye out for that. Thank you all for all the lovely votes and comments, they mean the world to me <3~Nightmare