I, Skylynn Evelyn Styles

Chapter Thirty Six

Listen to The Angel by Dominic Dunn and I Lived by OneRepublic

I lay on a hammock with Sam. My head is on his chest and we sway side to side. I shift my head to look up at him.

"Have you heard anything on Jasper?" he asks me while playing with my hair.

" I haven't." I say.

"Want to go visit him?" Sam asks.

"Is this your way of getting to drive?" I ask.

"Sort of, but I'm very curious on how he's doing." he tells me.

"Yeah I am too." I say. I sit up and he does as well. We get off the hammock and walk into the house.

Sam and I walk into the living room to find Sam's father watching television.

"Hey Pa, can Skylynn and I take the car to check in on Jasper?" sam asks very politely.

"Go on." His father replies.

"Thank you." I say.

Sam and I run to the car and get in. Sam turns the key in the ignition, allowing the engine to roar to life. I buckle and so does Sam. He backs out of the driveway.

***

Sam and I walk into Jasper's room. We see his mother sitting next to his bed, holding his hand. Jasper is laying there sleeping peacefully.

"How is he?" I ask in a whisper.

"The doctor says that he is improving well, but could lose his life from an overdose." she whispers.

"Oh my God!" Sam says in a whisper.

"Violet is going to be charged." Jasper's mother tells us, "and they asked for you both to be at the hearing."

"Of course, anything for justice." Sam says.

"Yeah," I say and I can't take my eyes off of Jasper, "uh- do you think I could have a moment with Jasper?"

"Yeah, sure, honey." Jasper's mother says.

"We'll be in the waiting room," Sam says, "get us when you're done."

They both leave and I am left with Jasper. I sit where is mother was previously sitting. I grab Jasper's hand and squeeze it gently. I then kiss his knuckles. No matter what, I will always care for Jasper, he was a wonderful boyfriend, and is an amazing friend. Nothing will ever change that. Jasper has changed my world and has showed me what love really is. He's allowed me to open my eyes and see the people who actually do care and love me. He allowed me to see the fakes. I think Jasper wanted to get close to me, even without Violet threatening him to. I think he wanted to warn me about the worst times coming up. I know it's hard to let someone go, he let me be with Sam. He loved me and he knew that since he loved me he should just let me go. I am so glad he had done that because if he didn't things could have been worse. And if Jasper decides not to make it, I love him and I have to let him know before I run out of time.

"Skylynn?" a sleepy voice calls over.

I look up from Jasper's hand and find out that the voice belongs to Jasper himself, "Oh my God, Jasper!" I then begin to cry, he still has that chance that he wont make it.

"I'm dying aren't I?" he asks as a tear makes a way down his face.

I hesitate, "Jasper please don't-"

"But I am, aren't I?" he asks.

"Jasper, I don't want to lose you." I say crying even more.

"You shouldn't be crying," he tells me.

"What?" I ask and look him in his eyes.

"You shouldn't be crying," he repeats, "I'm the one that should be crying, I'm the one leaving my life."

"And I'm losing you." I say and let out a sob, "I love you so much, Jasper. Please don't leave me."

"I love you so much Skylynn, but if it's my time, I must go." he tells me.

I get up and bend over his bed. I lean down and kiss him on the lips. I pull away and sit back down. He reaches his hand to my face and wipes away my tears.

"Please, please, please." I beg, "be strong, fight this through."

"If I can't fight this through, will you be disappointed?" he asks me.

"Jasper, are you kidding me?" I ask, "hell no, you would have put up a good fight."

"Well," he says, "enough of this sappy stuff and let's talk."

I laugh and grab his hand again, "what would you like to talk about?"

"Anything, tell me every thing." he says.

So that's what I did, I told him every thing. I told him about the way I felt about Sam. I also told him about Sam and I kissing on New Year's. Jasper was very calm about the topic.

"You know, I allowed things to happen." he tells me, "I took a deep breath and let go and maybe soon I will do the same, only in a literal sense. I knew I didn't want you and Sam to go out but there are some things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. And I know right now I sound like a damn poetry book, but it's true. And just 'cause I let you go doesn't mean I don't love you, it's just means I love you so much that I want you to be happy."

This time no one would be able to get me to stop bawling my eyes out. He is all but right and I can't love him more for that. What if tonight is the night Jasper takes his last deep breath and then let's go? How will everyone react? At least I'll know that his feelings towards me have never left. Part of me feels horrible for leaving him and another part is beyond happy. I never had someone care so much that they let everything go just so I could be happy and put themselves into misery. Jasper knew that if he didn't complete Violet's tasks, he'd die and he was willing to take the risks to save me. I shake my head in disbelief, I never thought he'd care so much about me. I appreciate everything Jasper has put himself through because it was all for me. It's sad to know that I left Jasper when he probably needed me to stay just for his safety and mine. He knew everything before I knew a thing and he was only looking out for me.

If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever. -The crow