Personal Experience

Chapter One

"Colleen. I would have left tour if it meant comforting you, or stopping the bastard from harming you."

"Harry, that's your career. You couldn't have just cancelled everything."

"The hell I couldn't! You're my best friend! I would do anything for you!" I pull her up into my lap, but keep her back a little so I can look at her face. I place my hand on her face trying to wipe away as many tears as I can. Her hair is no longer calm, so I push a few strands away; looking into her beautiful eyes. "Colleen. I would stop the world for you if it meant keeping you safe," I wipe away more tears. "From now on, you're not going anywhere without me. You're coming on tour, and everything."

"Harry, I can't..."

"It's nothing for discussion! I'm not letting anything happen to you again! I couldn't be here to protect you, but I will be from now on!" Before she can say anything else I crash my lips into hers. I can feel her starting to pull away, but she finally gives in. I have been waiting to do this since I met her three years ago. I can't believe I waited three years to do this. Our tears are mixing together as our lips move as one. When we pull away Colleen is giggling through the tears I continue to wipe them away from her cheeks with my thumb. "I..." I pause wondering if I should really say this. "I love you!" I blurt out.

She continues to giggle, and puts her hands on my face this time, "I love you too." I peck her lips.

"You're still coming with me. You have no say. I know you have your job and all, but I'm not letting anything else happen to you." My hands find their way into her hair; I stroke it, "I promise you I will never let anything bad happen to you." This time I kiss her forehead.

She nods her head into my chest, "Okay," she whispers.

"What?"

"I said, okay," she laughs, "I'll go with you. I trust you."

We settle back into the couch with her tears slowing down when I speak again, "Colleen..." She looks up at me. "I understand why you started cu-cutting, but did you ever...?" I can't finish the question.

She looks away with an ashamed look on her face. I wait patiently for her to answer. "I-I've thought about it... The things you see on this show," she nods towards the TV, "The feelings afterwards, they're all true. A feeling of shame. A feeling of guilt; not knowing why you're the one that got 'chosen.' Thinking what you did to deserve this. At some points, like for the month after it happened, I wanted to so badly. I couldn't bare looking at myself. I was disgusted with my body, with my looks. I thought harming myself would make me look better. Thoughts of hatred running through my head. Thinking that that was probably the only way I would ever have-"

I cut her off, "If I kept you mine it wouldn't of had to have been that way," starting to cry again, "Why couldn't you have just called me?" I pull her closer to me. "I never want to lose you. I wish I never let you go," I breathe into her hair. Minutes of silence pass as her tears never stop. "Alright. Let's get to bed." I stand up with Colleen in my arms. I carry her bridal style up to her room knowing her house like I know the lyrics to my songs. As we're getting ready for bed I don't even consider sharing her bed. The way she flinched at my touch, my gentle touch scares me, and I don't need her to be scared of me.

"Are you sure you don't want to share the bed?"

"I'm sure, Colleen. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"Oh. Okay," she says quietly.

After we settle down I ask, "Have you done anything about it?"

"Yes. I reported it. It was the most uncomfortable thing in the world."