Jesse Thinman

Chapter 1

Me and Badger have been friends for ages. I think we first met in rehab when we were younger, both were there forced by parents. Together we got ourselves out and went straight back to using again. But that's it for that story. Now we're both in our twenties.. and still haven't changed. He's on probation though, but it's alright as long as we stay out of jail. And as long as I'm thin.

Why do I want to be thin? Well, it's not all about that. With all this stress I need some control in my life. What stress, you ask? When I first partnered up with Mr. White, my old chemistry teacher, he struggled with a man in my basement for ages. Didn't want to kill him. But now, practically all he talks about is killing. 'Hey, you wanna poison' this and 'hey, I need you to go shoot' that. Oh, and my girlfriend is dead. I could have done something, hell, she was eighteen months clean! But no, I just had to go and fuck everything up.
So there's that. My eating is the only thing I feel like I can have control over.

-

"Yo, Badger, mind if I crash over at your place for a few nights?"

"Uhh, sure. Why?" he asked.

"It's nothing. I'll be there in ten minutes." I hung up.

You see, I got kicked out of my own house. Then I tried to stay at my parents' house. Half an hour later they kick me out too, after seeing the needle marks on my arm. Didn't really feel like sleeping on the streets, and Badger was my first option.

A little over ten minutes I'm standing on his driveway. I walk to the door with all of my stuff in my arms.

"Yo, Badger. " I say as I step inside.

I make myself comfortable right away. I go to the living room and put the box with all of my stuff in it next to the couch, assuming it's where I'll be sleeping.

"Is everything okay? Are you hungry? Feel free to go and grab some snacks." he says.

"Yeah. I'm not really.. hungry though." I mutter, but my growling stomach gives me away. I mean, I am hungry, I just don't want to eat.

"You sure? I've got some Funyuns!" he smiles. He knows I love them, at least I used to.

Not wanting to appear rude or anything I head to the kitchen. I look around and immediately get anxious from being surrounded by food. I open the fridge and grab a diet coke. I quickly walk past the Funyuns on the counter so I won't be tempted to take them and binge it all.

With the diet coke in my hand I return to the living room, only to find Badger on the couch.. with my notebook in his hands. The one I keep track of my calories in.

"What the hell, bitch?" I yell at him.

"I guess everything isn't okay after all." he looks up at me.

"Why would you go through my stuff?"

"Thought I'd help you unpack and came across this. I thought, what the hell, has my little Jesse started writing a diary? No, my little Jesse is counting calories and using the scale as a stepper!"

"Give me that!" I try to take my notebook from him.

"You haven't eaten for a week! 'Meth, zero calories'? How are you even alive?"

I have to get out of this. I let go of my notebook, sit on the couch with him and start digging through my pockets. I pull out some blue meth and my pipe.

"Yep. Meth, zero calories." I say and hand him a bag.

"We'll talk about this later." he sighs as he puts down my notebook and takes the bag I gave him.

I know Badger loves Blue Sky. I know he can't refuse if he's given it.. for free. But I also know I can't keep stuffing meth into his face forever. He's not going to forget about that conversation. I just need to keep him distracted as long as possible.