Title Credit: The Sky Under The Sea by Pierce The Veil
A/N: Triggering material ahead so please read on your own caution <3
I let my backpack slip off my back onto the floor, letting my back fall onto my cool soft bed. As soon as I did so I could hear my dad call my name from downstairs. Letting go of a groan I hop down the stairs and put on a smile to face him and answer his questions. I saw him putting on his tie in the mirror and arranging his hair with a thin comb then glanced over to me and smiled.
"Hey honey how was your first day at school? It didn't suck too much I hope because you didn't exactly have any friends as soon as you walked in." He said with a smile walking over to me, and enveloping me in a warm hug of colonge and freshly ironed clothes. Normally he would be gone but since it's my first day he arranged to leave in the evening just to check in on me right after school.
"It was lovely. My classes seem accurate and the teachers aren't terrible." I chirped through the burning thoughts of earlier today.
"Oh that's great. I left my debit on the counter so when you need to make a run to the grocery store I trust you know how to treat that piece of plastic," He said, checking his watch."Oooh I gotta go Hayley. I love you sweetheart. Stay safe and no crazy psychotic people in the house." Dad said kissing my forehead and grabbing his suitcase and out the door.
As a normal thing, I grabbed his duffel bag that he'd have on the plane and walked out to the front with it. He put it in the car and I stood there with a smile and watched him leave before I went back inside and collapsed on the floor. Another 2 weeks alone.
I sobbed and choked on breaths and tears endlessly as I picked myself up to carry myself to my room and placed myself on my bed again. I grabbed my phone and took off the rubber phone case and out came 20 dollars and a few razors. Rolling up my sleeve I revealed destroyed and scabbed skin with a thin blade in my fingers. I sighed and tore off my jeans instead making my first few cuts. Short and a lot or deep and a few... I figured to stick to shallow ones to save the trouble of the scabs sticking to my skinny jeans and god thats all such a bitch to deal with.
Walking down the stairs. Taller seniors. A stuck out foot noticed too soon. Tripping down the stairs. Laughter that's not from me. Scratched hands and bruised knees. My books everywhere being stepped on. Kicked in the ribs. Late to class. Freak and girl with red hair in the same sentence. Notes thrown at me. Not bothering to read them. Know what they say.
Not the best day but not the worst ever.
I stared at the beads of blood forming on the fresh cuts and sighed feeling slightly more relieved and picked myself up to go to the restroom. Dabbing the cuts I glared into the mirror repeating a million ways why I could and should kill myself. But I can't do that to my dad. Someone who's always at least tried to be there for me.
Just imagine coming home to find your baby girl on the floor who you believed was happy as can be but instead was drained of blood and cold and gone.
I won't do that to him. I'd make it more private and secretive. I know I'd be found but I can't help but imagine that I can tuck myself away and everyone can be happy and go on with life as it is with only just me missing.
I'm going away for a while
The words rang in my head as I walked to my room and spotted the familiar lyric book and wrote it down. How long am I going to leave him... it'd be forever but I just want it to end. All this pain I just want to vanish and be able to laugh again with a light heart and light mind. I do laugh now and then but it's rare. It's a treasure worthy moment since I've actually forgot the sound of my own laughter, drips of pure joy.
Scribbling to the flipped page with a random pen I tossed the notebook across the floor making it skid to a halt. I closed my eyes. I don't want to be awake but I don't want to sleep. It's a minor tug of war in my mind which are more than frequent but I never find joy in doing a lot of things so I just succumb to sleep. No more. No less. It's required for survival anyways and I can always catch up on lost hours of rest.
Sorry it's small :/
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I Won't Be Letting You Go (Paramore/Hayley Williams fanfic)
Fanfiction[ON HOLD] The new girl. That new kid. What's up with her hair? She looks like a freak. She's probably from Florida, and you know how fucked up that place is. She's such a piece of trash. Whore. Living alone 90% of the time is what it's like for Hay...
