Confessions Between Us [STEREK] - (on hold)

Chapter 10- Music Taste

6. Come on Eileen- Dexy's Midnight Runners

7. Crazy- Gnarls Barkley 

I start to feel dizzy, do I really mean something to him. I stay silent running my thumb over the writing. Is it better to speak now or die, I feel overcome with a new sense of bravery and look up. Derek looks terrified, I have never seen him so vulnerable in my life. I need to speak I know but the words seem to be getting caught in my throat. I rest my mug on the shelf to my left and swallow, Come on Stiles speak. 'Derek...' Is all I can manage my voice cracks loudly as I say his name, 'You don't have to like it' He says quietly looking away from me. I shake my head I am being so confusing, I move forward and gently hold his face looking straight into his eyes 'It is perfect, as you are' I say leaning forward placing a kiss on his lips. I started the kiss slowly, trying to memorize this moment this specific moment in which Derek ripped apart of himself out and gave it to me. He held me close to him, one of his hands snaked its way around my shoulders pulling me tightly to him. I could feel it happening now, feel myself falling indefinitely in love with him and I couldn't stop. 

He pulled away and I felt myself slightly follow him, chasing his comfort. I look up his lips were now a flaming red, he reached down and laced my hand in his, we didn't speak. Neither of us wanted to break the moment, I drunk in the sight of him thanking the gods that it was me that as given the opportunity to love this man. I walked backward pulling him with me, his eyes buzzed with a million questions, I simply nodded I wanted this. We walked down the stairs in silence too, I kept my grip on his hand tight it seemed to fule a spark of bravery in me. I let go of his hand when we reached his bed, do I sit or do I stay standing? Derek walked past me and comfortably sat against the headrest of the bed, I stayed at the end watching nervously. Where do I put my hands? Do I lean them against the bed frame or do I place them on my hips? 

'I haven't done this before, I am nervous' I finally admit and breathe in deeply starting to feel embarrassed.                                                                                                                                                                             'I'm nervous too' Derek responds quietly. He words seem to wash a sense of bravery over me, I make my way over to the bed sitting beside him. I take a deep breath, then make the first move. I climb across the small space between us so that I was sitting on his lap. At first, he doesn't do anything, just watches me with big eyes. Then his arms wind around me and pull me in closer to him. That awkwardness vanished, we now both had an understanding of what we wanted. I slip my hand around his neck, his skin was softer than I imagined. He closed his eyes at my touch 'Stiles..' He said breathlessly, That was the moment that I realized there was still far too much space between us. I moved forward and kissed him hard, he responded quickly kissing back with just as much passion. I wove a hand through his hair as we kissed, his hair was warm and soft just how I imagined. 

I pulled away from the kiss first when my lungs started to burn, but I wanted to kiss every inch of him. I look closer at his neck, three sunspots dotted the olive skin. I move my head down and trace everyone with my mouth, all I could think was how impossibly this moment was purely Derek Derek Derek. My hands were holding him close to me gripping onto his sweatshirt as if it were a lifeline, but again I wanted more. I slip my hands under the sweater and trace them over every curve on his stomach, Derek, in turn, grips the bottom of my shirt and mutters 'Off..off take it off' I always used to worry about the process of taking clothes off in sex. But Derek made it easy, he didn't drag out the process, all I could hear was the same phrase repeated 'Off and off'. When he rolled me over so that I was laying completely naked under him, I didn't feel embarrassed all I felt was Derek. I hadn't noticed him take his clothes off so when he kissed me again this time with so much passion, I was left speechless every part of him I could feel. I trailed my hands all over his body, I needed to know where very curve started and ended.

Derek gently nudged me to roll over, he again left no time for me to feel exposed as he kissed along my shoulders and down my back. Being the virgin I was, I couldn't help but wince with pain when he first started. Derek being Derek stopped immediately 'Do you want me to stop' I stayed silent, at this moment we were bound to one another the thought of stopping was too much. 'You will kill me if you stop, please don't stop it will kill me' I respond, he kissed between my shoulders and held me close, he continued at that same rhythm not too fast or too slow. And when it ended my world exploded, no longer was Derek this distant person to me no he was now the canvas on which I painted my love. We stayed there again in silence, I turned around and looked him in the eye, I had never seen anyone so perfect. He glistened lightly with a sheet of sweat, I held his face in my hands and ran my eyes over every small detail. I leaned forward and placed a ghost of a kiss on his lips, He was Derek perfectly Derek. I open my eyes again he looks at me as deeply as I look at him, better to speak or to die, too speak I think. I run my left hand through his hair 'Derek... Derek... Derek' I whisper, he smiles 'Stiles..Stiles..Stiles' he says even quieter. 

'I love you' I say my eyes closed, my perfect moment, my soon to be lonely moment. I wait ten seconds and then feel my gut drop and open my eyes, he didn't say it back. He looks petrified, I feel humiliated, I inch back away from him. He doesn't try to stop me. I fumble out of the bed and grab my clothes, and throw them on now feeling embarrassed as I'm naked. Better to die maybe I thought. I expected him to stop me, to say it back. But he didn't and I fled my eyes burning with tears holding the mixtape away from my body. The door shut behind me and I fell apart, running down the stairs a hand against my mouth to stop the loud sob threatening to escape. I longed to be back in that room, back in that moment with Derek between my arms. Better to speak or to die I think again, better to die. 

A/N- Bit short, bit of Sterek for you guys. Anyone want this in Derek's POV? As always leave a comment- Thomas xx