A Month To Live

A Month To Live (42)

I just about made it to the bathroom on time. I couldn't even work out what I was throwing up, I hadn't eaten for over a day. I realised my mom was holding my hair back at one point.

'It's okay,' she said, rubbing my back. 'It's okay.'

'No it's not,' I sobbed, finally breaking down into tears again. 'It's not.'

*   *   *

Bradley

'Bradley, you really need to go to school at least one day next week!' Remi exclaimed. I winced at the sound of her shrill voice. Far too early for noise like that first thing on a Saturday morning.

'I disagree,' I replied, shifting slightly on the bed to look over at her.

'You've been doing nothing!' she said angrily before softening her tone. 'Come on, Bradley, why can't you just...'

'Just what?' I snapped.

'Let whatever it is go!'

'You have no idea what it is, Remi,' I hissed. 'Just leave me the fuck alone.'

I took in a deep breath and turned away from her again, clenching my jaw tightly.

'Fucking hell, Bradley,' she said sadly. 'This isn't even what I wanted to talk to you about. You've got a visitor - I... it's not her,' she added quickly when I whipped my head around. I made a noise of disinterest and slouched back into the pillows.

If it wasn't her, then I really didn't give a shit.

'Hey,' a familiar voice said hesitantly. I snapped my head up in surprise.

'What the hell are you doing here?' I asked as Remi took her leave.

'I really don't know,' Tommy said. He ran his hand over his knuckles. He used to do that all the time when he was stressed or worried.

'Seems pointless you coming then,' I replied dryly.

'Come on, man,' he said slowly. 'Your sister's right. You can't sit around miserable all day.'

'I can do what I want.'

'Bradley,' he said firmly.

'We're not even friends,' I said after a long moment of silence. 'So why are you here really?'

He walked further into the room and pulled out my desk chair. He sighed as he sank down into it and didn't speak for a long while.

'I know,' he said softly. 'I don't know what happened with us-'

'I do,' I snorted. 'As soon as you found out about... well that. You couldn't handle it.'

'Pretty much,' he replied coldly.

'I tried to help you,' I said, looking over at him with a frown. He was always able to hide his emotions under a cold mask. Something I never learned how to do.

'I know you did.'

'So why are you here now?'

'I guess... I feel guilty. You did try to help me. Even though I didn't accept your help, you still tried. And now you need help,' he said, looking out the window.

'I don't think I'll ever understand how your mind works,' I groaned, sitting up and dropping my feet to the floor. 'You pushed us all away and pissed me off this last month, so much so, that I wanted to punch you. Why would I even want your help?' I demanded.

'Not everyone wants help, you know,' he replied, turning to look at me now. 'But that doesn't mean they don't need it.' He eyed me for a few seconds and let out a long sigh. 'I'm sorry.'

I stared back at him for a moment before giving a sigh of my own.

'Okay,' I said. 'But just so you know, you're still kind of an asshole.'

'I know,' he laughed, shaking his head slightly.

'Anyway,' I frowned. 'This isn't something that can be helped.'

I ran my hand through my hair roughly but all I could think about when I did that, were her fingers stroking my hair back. Her green eyes looking back at me as if I were the only thing she needed in the world. And yet, she didn't even love me.

'I can help you get through it, at least,' Tommy shrugged. 'You tried to do that for me.'

'I wasn't exactly a lot of use was I?' I grumbled.

'That's my fault,' Tommy said.

'I never said it wasn't.'

'Where did Raegan go?' he asked abruptly. I winced before I could stop myself. Everyone had stopped using her name around me. No one had said it out loud for a few days.

'Home,' I said. 'She's... she's not coming back.'

'I saw her the morning she left. Before she went to meet you,' he said slowly.

'Yeah, she mentioned it,' I said, suddenly remembering. I felt anger boiling up since me. I couldn't remember what he told her. But I remembered it was nothing good. 'What did you say to her?'

'Calm down,' Tommy said, frowning slightly now as he eyed me.

'What did you say, Tommy?' I asked slowly.

'I said... I told her it'd better if she left. And that she'd fucked up your life. That it would would been better if she never came here at all.'

I couldn't help but jump up at his words and take a few angry steps towards him

'Why would you tell her that?' I shouted.

'I was just telling the truth,' he said lowly.

'No you weren't!' I growled. 'She didn't mess up my life at all! That's probably the reason she left!'

'No it wasn't,' Tommy snapped, getting to his feet now as well. 'She was planning on leaving the whole time she was here! That's why she set a date you idiot!'

'Shut up!'

'You just can't accept it, Bradley,' Tommy shouted again. 'You've got to get over it! She wasn't planning on sticking around, she didn't care about you! What was it she was hiding, huh? What did she do that was so fucking bad she had to hide it from everyone?'

I was so angry by then that I nearly told him everything. I wanted to tell him everything. He'd understand. He'd be able to help.

I felt my anger sliding away away. Even though she'd left me and I didn't even know who she really was, I couldn't bring myself to spill her secret.

'Just go away,' I whispered, turning away and clenching my fists at my side.

'You're going to lose everyone, Bradley,' he said in a softer voice now. 'And believe me, I know what that's like.'

I fell back on my bed with a sigh as he closed the door behind him. I pulled my hood up and breathed in deeply. Still smelled of her.