A Month To Live

A Month To Live (42)

I turned round and saw her standing in the doorway with a brown paper shopping bag. She was frozen in shock so I went over and managed to pull the bag out of her arms and set it on the counter. I'm pretty sure she was on the verge of dropping it.

'Hey,' I said.

I couldn't really think of anything else to say. I mean, I suppose I should have apologised for leaving and not calling and well, just being a shit excuse for a daughter. But I couldn't make myself say those things. I guess... I guess I didn't really care anymore.

'Raegan,' she whispered.

'Mom.'

I managed to force out a smile and a second later she lurched forward and pulled me into a tight hug.

'You're back,' she whispered, not letting go.

'I told you I would be,' I mumbled.

'I didn't believe it,' she sighed, pulling back and clutching my face. 'Never do anything like this again!' she reprimanded me. Usually that tone of voice would make me shiver in my boots but today it did nothing. 'Your father and I were worried sick! We thought we'd never see you again!' Her voice cracked on the last part and I felt a little guilty. Not that guilty though.

'Sorry.'

'Sorry,' she repeated in disbelief. 'We'll talk about it when your father gets home - that should be soon.'

'Okay.'

'I'm so glad you're back,' she said, lower lip wobbling.

'I guess I had nowhere else to run to,' I muttered.

'Who were you running from?' she asked with a frown.

'Myself. I think.'

'Where did you go? No, wait don't answer. Wait till your dad's back,' she said, shaking her head. 'You look good, you know.'

'I don't feel good,' I whispered, feeling the familiar burning in my eyes again.

'Headaches?' she asked sympathetically. She stroked the side of my face and I abruptly stepped away.

'Yeah. That's all.'

'You should lie down,' she said, frowning now. She was looking me over closely. I think she knew something else was wrong but I nodded.

'Yeah I'll just... I'll go for a lie down,' I agreed.

'Let me know if you need anything,' she said. 'Anything at all.'

I didn't need anything but him.

Dad came home not long after. He saw my car outside and stormed in shouting for me at the top of his lungs. When he finally saw me he pulled me into a tight hug for a long time. He was never an emotional type, my dad. It felt kind of weird to say the least.

I sat down with them both for a long time. I explained that I'd just gone to Richmond and briefly told them about the past month. I didn't mention his name or tell them anything about him.

Eventually, I managed to escape up to my room after promising mom that we'd go to the hospital for an appointment at the earliest opportunity. Apparently I'd missed a lot of appointments in the time I'd been gone. At least five. They keep a closer eye on you the nearer you are to the end.

When I finally lay down that night to sleep, I just stared up at the ceiling. My suitcases were in the corner. I hadn't bothered unpacking them. I didn't want to.

I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want to take any pain killers for my headache and I didn't want to eat.

I did, however, want to throw up.