Sadness

Stupid

I knew it was stupid the moment I saw the look in his eyes when I told him. I had feelings for him and still do. I have battles with myself as to why I like him so much when I know he will never like me back. I try to give up on my feelings, but the mention of his name brings a feeling I've never had before. That was until I met him. He made me fall by doing nothing, but trying to keep me from falling. I knew he didn't want to talk to me. He even told me he tried to make me not like him anymore. He said he didn't want me to get hurt, but I think he didn't want himself involved in it. He never liked me. He never wanted to be my friend. I don't even know he ever cared about me at any point, but I cared about him, and I still do. I told him that I knew he didn't want to talk to me. He said he wasn't the man for me. I was stupid and said that I wish he was. Those words hurt me even more, because he admitted that he didn't like me. I wish he did, and I wish he was the man for me. But he said it himself, he isn't. I don't think I will ever find someone who makes me feel the way I do when I hear his name. I will try to drop the feelings that I was stupid to have in the first place. I don't think that I will ever be able to. He is the first person that I have ever been able to tell everything to. I told him all of my feelings about him and about other people, because I had a little sliver of hope. I had the hope that he cared, and I was stupid to think that, because he didn't and doesn't now. The worst part was that at some times, I thought that he was falling for me too. I was stupid for that too, I guess.

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Author's note...

Just so you all know. A lot of these sad things are about the same person. "Invisible", I wrote in class while crying, because that was how I felt when I looked at him. Paragraph two, three, and four in "Confusion" were about him. "Crush" Is about him. And this is about him. These are my real feelings, not something I wrote for attention. Everything I post on this book are my real feelings. Even though everyone says I'm "too young" to have these feelings, or to even know these feelings, It's wrong. I have these feelings and they are real.